I Miss Fuzzball....... Options

[Wanda]

[I]It's taken me a while to post here about the loss of my furkitty-Fuzzball. I have been just reading but now it's time to post!
Fuzzball has been gone 47 days and I miss him so very much. When the 1 month came a long I had a really rough time and I still have my moments, sometimes bad moments. The evening of his death is srill so very vivid in my mind just as if it happened yesterday. I've went through all the what if's and guilt feelings. The guilt feelings is slowly going away. I had one big guilt that was eating away at me and that was the thyroid pill I had given him and he then died in my arms. The vet and I talked just recently and I told her the pill was crushed with a little water added and she then told me I didn't kill my Fuzzball like I've neen thinking that I did. She said with it crushed with water added I didn't harm him. Fuzzball was dehydrated and it all started a week before he passed on. She gave him fluid injections and sent us home. The following week he got so he wasn't eating very well nor drinking much. Back to the vet we went and he was severely dehydrated by then and more fluids were injected. She said also if his organs were shutting there wouldn't be anything she'd be able to do for him. She ordered bloodwork for the next morning and when we got there he had to have more fluid injections. They did the bloodwork. He died that evening. That morning the dog and Fuzzball just looked at each other intently and I think I knew then that Fuzzball was going to leave me. I did not have a good feeling! About 1/2 hour before Fuzzball passed on we did say our good byes and I told him that I know he's leaving me and that I love him very much and will miss him terrible and to go where he'll be well again and no pain. He looked at me intently and started to purr so loud. Then I gave him that pill and he died. I wish I hadn't given him that pill! The vet had called to tell me to give him his thyroid pill but I already had and I told her he died and that I killed him! She said to quit saying that. I held onto him for 2 hrs and carried him like a baby.....he was my BABY.....wrapped in a blanket with his head out of it , petting his head and kissing him. I was a basket case for a few hours! I was alone through all of it when he left me. It was really hard the next morning to release him to the vet.....I had my Baby cremated and I have memorialized him. The vet did tell me later on that she suspected Fuzzball's kidney's were shutting down. I thought I was coming a long pretty good until my sis furkitty- Kitty- died Aug 1st. It brought everything back full force when my Baby left me. I cried and cried and cried! And still am! Sometimes I feel as though I'm going to really lose it! I feel so bad at times.
I miss my Baby so much! I miss him on the back of my recliner lying there purring and sleeping as I sit there. I miss him lying on my pillow with me sleeping and he purring and being there with me. I miss him waking me up in the mornings when I have slept past his feeding time..........the gentle cuffing on the cheek, and gently head butting me. There's a lot of things I miss about him!
I had Fuzzball 17 years from the time he was a kitten.

I love my Baby so much!


Wanda

This post has been edited by Wanda: Aug 11 2004, 11:30 AM

[Wanda]

Hi!
Thank You for the responses and it's greatly appreciated! I loved reading both of the posts even though they made me cry! I know I need to be here!
I miss my boy so much and I do know it's going to be quite some time with the grieving. I've never felt such grief and pain in all my life that I am feeling right now. It's awful! I didn't feel like this when my father and mother passed on......sure I had the grief and everything but it was nothing compared to losing my Baby! I was so nausous and I really did think I was going to throw up when Fuzz passed on and I had to force myself to go back home when we'd be out the next day ( actually the whole weekend) after my Baby left me. The void was so great then and it still is. I miss him not greeting me at the door when I'd come home and now it's only my dog ( DJ ) that greets me. Sometimes when I open the door I expect to see my Baby there with DJ greeting me but he's not. I know Fuzz is healthy now, happy, running, and having a good time with all the others at Rainbow Bridge. He knows how much I love him and I know he loves me to. Fuzz and I had been through a lot together....the ups and the downs. Fuzz was temperamental at times and he sure did put people in their places! What a cat he was!

Later on I will give a tribute to my Fuzz!

I will also try to put a picture on here sometime but I can't guarentee anything because I haven't quite learned to do that yet.


Love
Wanda