Am I Wrong To Compare?, death of a human to a furry freind Options

[k9pal]

I was just on the post written by meowltd about a remark made to her by a friend. Reading that post was like throwing wood on a already burning fire. Let me start by summarizing a story. A friend of mine lost her husband tragically due to an accident a year ago. I was there for her constantly and continuously through out. Most of the closest people to her work during the day except me. I was her constant companion, her sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I know being alone is know good when you lose someone close. That is when your mind and heart turn on you and you sink deeper end deeper into depression. She was so depressed and she didn't want to be alone, nor did I want her to be so we spent alot of time together. I didn't mind I know I helped her through one of the toughest times in her life. But know I'm resentful. I lost my furbaby and where is she? Where is the support? Ya, she called me once or twice while he was sick. She called me on the worst day of my life. The same day that I had to bring my baby to the vet, his last day. Before I found someone to help me. I told her how I couldn't get into contact with my sister, how she was suppose to help me bring my dog to the vet. I can't get Max to the vet by myself he's to heavy, He won't go outside and I can't carry him by myself I told her. She said she would help but bla..,bla.., bla..! Thank God my sister called me back. My friend called me after Max was gone to say she was sorry and I know that she was sincere but I don't think she sympathizes with me. Like my grief is minimum compared to hers. I'm depressed, I feel empty, I feel like my heart has been ripped out of me, I'm going through the worse grief of my life. Occurances of every day activities remind me of my baby and make me miss him more and more. Why is his death and the emotions I feel any different from lossing a human. Why because he was a animal ? Love is love, and I loved him. He's gone and I'm grieving and nobody is there for me. That's the difference when you lose a human you have so much support, when you lose a furbaby you don't. I know I shouldn't compare the death of her husband with my furbaby. I'm just trying to sort through my feelings. I just wish that she would of been there for me like I was for her. Sorry I'm rambling on I'm having one of those bad weeks and I wouldn't dare confront my friend about how I feel. Because I know that she is still grieving and if she helped me with my grief it would only remind her of her own. So sorry, you guys and gals are stuck with me . So thanks for the shoulder.

[Chaos, my little...]

First, I wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss, and the lack of deep concern that your friend/s had about your grief. Hearing or reading that type of thing always makes me sad. I also wanted to let you know that I have lost three friends to guns (one self-inflicted, two were murdered), uncles and aunts to heart disease, grandparents to diabetes and/or heart disease, etc. I grieved for them all, however it was the passing of Chaos, my precious little guy that caused the worst grief I have ever known. So it doesn't matter the species (as someone so aptly pointed out earlier in this thread). It's the love shared and the connection that matters, and little else.

Edit: I have been thinking about your thread since reading it and commenting (above), as I have had moments like yours in my life and I know how lonely and abandoned you must really feel. I was in utter emotional pain a few times in my life, and no one was there (talk about feeling alone in this great, big world!). After being forced to deal with some issues on my own, I pulled away from my family and "friends". I was forced to re-examine those I spent time with, and I let my family know that I was disappointed in their lack of support. Years went by, things got better, and my family grew emotionally (as did I). I still have some friends that, while sympathetic to my recent loss of Chaos, still weren't able to really understand why I sobbed violently for three days after he died-but nonetheless they were there, and hugged and comforted me. Now my FAMILY, well they really stepped up to the plate this time. They knew how much I loved Chaos, and that he was absolutely part of my immediate family. My mother and sister cried with me (my sister cried several times). This is the point of my rather long post (please forgive any rambling). They cried with me. As their tears flowed, they literally took some of the pain from my heart. It made my grief so much easier to bear because they shouldered some of it. And I knew others understood my torment-which is absolutely essential. That validation is so necessary for the grieving process to progress more quickly. I do think sometimes though, it is simply a matter of learning this and applying it, as most don't realize how much healing happens when loved ones share the hurt.

Lastly, you may not have gotten those tears from your friend, but you sure did here on this forum. I hope that it has helped to ease your heart from some of the terrible burden that you are carrying.