My Dog Was Put Down Because Of Dcm Options

[dobielover]

[COLOR=blue]
Hi there.
My name is Jamie and i was a owner of a beautiful 4 yr. old doberman named A.J.
I just had to put him down on Friday, July 30th due to an illness called DCM.
I cant stand this guilt and hurt and numbness all over me. I keep feeling like i made the wrong choice, that i should of waited a couple more days. Im so sick to my stomach that i vomited when i got home. I need to stop this torchure that im doing to myself. I just feel like i disappointed him by killing him. I know i didnt kill him, but i brought him to the vet and signed for him to be put down. I just wish i could convince myself i did the right thing. Everyone says i did the best for him. I still dont think so. I CANT STAND IT!!! I miss him SO much! I cant breath at times cause i get so upset about him. I just want him home again.
I feel so guilty,sick,upset,misserable,regret........i just want him back!

[dobielover]

Hello again to everyone who has been helping me through this.
Finally got a pic of my A.J...its REALLY big!
Still trying to figure this whole add a picture thing(bare w/me)
Well,today has been one week since i had to put my precious A.J down.
So far im doing ok. I will be able to go to the vet today and pick up his ashes.
I had a really bad day yesterday.
MAJOR BREAK DOWN!
I dont know what happened but i couldnt take it.
GUILT GUILT GUILT!!!
WHAT IF'S!!!!!!!
THE I SHOULD HAVES!!!!
It was bad!
But when i spoke with my 8 year old son, he said something that i think made me relize something i didnt want to or could see.
He said A.j eyes looked sick,and that he didnt act like he used to.
He was a different dog.
Maybe thats what i needed to hear? From an 8 yr.old?
I keep going back to last friday and picturing my dog.
Was he asking me to spare him?....or to save him?
Was there signs telling me to do it or not to do it?
Someone told me i should talk w/the vet.
Do i wanna hear what he has to say.
Would it be closure for me?
Is this normal the way im reacting?
I feel like i have so much guilt because im guilty!
I made the wrong choice. The pit of my stomach...aches!
I feel like i cannot breathe! This is making me sick!
Well another day today.....lets see how it goes.
Jamie

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