1st Birthday Without Him Options

[Solasmom]

Hello fur family,

Solas' birthday is on Sunday. I'm already feeling that lost pit feeling in my chest. I miss him so much. I even called about a cat that was up for adoption, but I can't let a new cat in the house because of the FIP (the terrible disease that took my baby in 3 short weeks ). My husband doesn't want another cat anyway.

I'm in foul humor, I'm afraid. I have been dealing with some medical issues and I finally got to see a specialist today. The doctor had ZERO bedside manner and when I said that I didn't have any of the conditions that are supposed to lead to this illness, he says "Sure you do; you're overweight!" Oh bite me!

But anyway, I wanted to tell you about Solas. He was such a wonderful and princely black cat. I adopted him when he was 8 weeks old. We figured his birthday was 8/8/88 and when it rolled around the next year, I gave him a surprise party. It was great, all my friends came and brought catnip in every possible form. I made him a cat food cake with Cheez-wiz icing and a little hat. He gave me one of those disgusted looks, like, "I don't do hats!". I miss him and his funny ways. You know, we all knew our animal so intimately that we could understand what a meow or whine meant. It's hard when you lose that special connection. I know someone will tell me that I am still connected, but tonight I want purring in my ear like before.

I know I sound like a spoiled child, but I had a crappy ol' day where someone had the bad manners to point out my own fat ass to me.

Keep me in mind on Sunday, right?
Thanks,
Ariel

[BabyHannahsMom]

Hi Ariel,

There are so many rude, insensitive people in this world. It really does get me down sometimes too.

I will be thinking of you and Solas, especially on Sunday. It's been 3 1/2 months for Hannah and about 3 weeks for Babe. I dread so very much the passing of the seasons and holidays coming up in this year. I cannot imagine how terribly sad that one-year mark will be, but I know it's going to be a really sad day for you. Maybe it would help to have a memorial service for Solas. I know another birthday would have been the most wonderful thing in the world! You're not acting like a spoiled child! Unfortunately, you know all too well that Solas won't be back.

That reminds me of a little poem that I have been reading and re-reading lately and trying to get myself to "grasp" the idea. I know it's true, but it is so very hard because we do miss them so. When I think in my mind, "She's gone, she's gone," it does make me feel like crying and "losing my mind." Sometimes it's still so hard to believe that she is gone, my precious little girl is gone.

She Is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
-- Author Unknown

I hope and pray Ariel that, though I know you will cry on Sunday, you will be able to smile too when you think of those past birthday parties, and the things like "I don't do hats, Mom."

Marcia
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom