7 Months W/o My Nissa Yesterday (23rd) Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

I couldn't even write about this yesterday, on Nissa's 7th month anniversary, I was so shaky about it. I ended up having to bring her body out of the freezer, to have a 'visit' with me, I missed the feel and look of her so. My H came home just as I was bringing her upstairs and also got all misty-eyed as he stroked her "still so soft" fur. I just HAD to see my girl, it was killing me so much not to.

Hard as yesterday was, though, it ended up filled with blessings, too. I got a call from a dear, past friend, who helped me immensely as we talked of almost nothing BUT our passed kidlets and all things animal. This call had been strangely delayed until yesterday and it struck me that morning that this was WHY it had been delayed....it was an orchestrated gift from Nissa, so that I wouldn't have to be all alone on her anniversary! That was gift #1.

Gift #2 came from Maggie, the neighbourhood cat who's been visiting me for months now. Normally hissy/spitty out of the blue, she joined me upstairs as I was putting the bed back together and for the first time ever, jumped up on the bed to actually lie down. That was remarkable enough, but she then allowed me to lay down beside her, only about a foot away and when I did, she actually relaxed even more! So we had a 15 minute rest together. It was so unlike her that I now believe Nissa worked with what (little) she could, and 'make' Maggie give me something I really needed.

Gift #3 was what Maggie did after she got up and went outside to our yard. W/i a couple of minutes, she'd suddenly caught a birdie (yes, I know, not a 'pleasant' subject to many, but...), which felt so NORMAL and reminded me so much of my girl, the Mighty Huntress that she was, even if she didn't like birdies but rodents. But rodents aren't really out and about here yet, so again, working with what she had.....

Gift #4 came at the end of the dinner we'd gone out for (no one in the mood to cook today). There were only 2 songs I'd even been able to hear clearly in this restaurant. The first, one called "A New Day" by Colin James....the meaning to me, mainly in the ti*tle (and I love this song), and the second, even more meaningful - "I've Got You Under My Skin"....part of which I used to sing to both Nissa and Sabin on occasion. Since both of them have sent me messages before through song, I just knew that these two were just that....their closeness to me.

I took such great comfort in these 'coincidences' that aren't merely that....too many new and unusual things all in one day, to be nothing but coincidence. Orchestrated timing, hearts opening, working through another feline, personal songs.....no, I'm convinced this was my girl, my darling Nis', taking good care of her Mommy, just as she always did. I lit the usual candles for her in the evening, plus an extra, floating candle in honour of both her anniversary and Moose's (Lori) and told her how grateful I was for her wonderful gifts and for sticking close to me throughout the whole day. I still miss my Nis' like all get-out, but she did her very best to get me through this painful day, and my heart opens in wonder and so much big, pink, fuzzy love for my Gal-Pal, the light of my life, everything she was, still is and ever will be....my Nissakins.

I love you and miss you, Sweetie-Pie, more than ever!! My little Hun-Bun, the most lovingest girl in the whole Universe!!

Attached image(s)

 

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Dawn,

Was Jakey a little drama-queen?!?! Oh, my goodness! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he looks so totally agonized over this forced fashion-wear stunt! Didn't his mommy and daddy know that to cover up even one little bit of his neck would detract from his natural beauty???? Great pic!! Talk about capturing a priceless moment! Maybe Jake could have used a cigarette after this fiasco, too!

M&M's Mom,

Thanks so much. I DO love sharing Nissa's photos with those who can appreciate them as everyone here does. And to hear her called "daughter" by someone other than myself always warms the coc*kles of my heart. Yes, if anything could break such a bond, then there really wouldn't be any point to life, would there?



Kim,

I somehow got over the 'horror' of seeing Sabin's body non-animated after I'd visited with him many, many times before we buried him. After awhile, although it was still upsetting knowing that he wasn't inhabiting his body anymore, it also became concurrently 'soothing' to be ABLE to still touch him and see him and have more of an 'object' for my love to focus on and talk to, rather than 'thin air'. What was harder for me was finally giving UP his body. I found that worse than having had it, so I could sort of gradually 'wean' myself off of that physicality, rather than suddenly having absolutely NOTHING.

So for Nissa, I was already prepared for and much more familiar with this personal process, and I still find it comforting that even though her spirit doesn't reside there, I still have the option of touching her and seeing her when I need to. No, of course it's not the same as when they're alive here, but it's still her precious body, the one I know and love so well and so it also feels like a very sacred visit. After having done this before, I became more aware of why some people actually have their beloved animals preserved by taxidermy. That much is not for me, but mainly because I wouldn't want anyone else handling their body in such a fashion. Naturally, I cry, too, but in a way it helps me to 'let go' a bit more, because it's similar to seeing them frail and ailing and so there's a deeper connection made as to why you had to allow them to leave. So that's also why putting her back is always harder than visiting with her....if I could survive right in that freezer with her, that's where you'd find me most of the time!

Yes, this friend is pretty darn special!

Yah, I know it sounds almost naughty, but what can I say? Nissa's love could make my toes curl, just like Doris Day's did when Rock Hudson would kiss her in those comical, old movies! I mean, how could you NOT just melt over such displays of tenderness?!? The odd person who was lucky enough to witness these acts of adoration between us would just stop and stare, breathless, as they'd never seen anything LIKE it, then just start giggling and oooing and awwing....just like how special I felt, as the recipient of her sweet kisses! I even used to think, AND tell her, "Ya know, gal.....even human mothers and daughters don't get to share as many kisses as WE do, nor for as many years as we have......you and I, Sweetie, are SOOOO lucky we have each other, cuz we both LOVE our kisses sooo much!" sigh......how I'm to live w/o this, I just don't know.

Some of that iridescence, in some pics anyway, is a result of my photo editing, as I wanted to really capture the mood of how she made me feel inside....though her fur really could look quite 'highlighted' and soft-focus all by itself, too. So I just end up looking less 'harsh', while my gal's natural beauty is simply a bit enhanced! But of course Nissa is heavenly-looking.....that's where she CAME from in the first place! Heavenly bod', and her Heaven-sent, Heaven scent! Missing her here is the hardest thing I've ever had to suffer through. How could anyone else EVER even begin to compare?