I Miss You So Much, Four months for Moose Kitty Options

[Moose Mom]

Today is a very hard day, my Moose kitty has been gone 4 months. How could it be so long? How can I make it day by day without him? For 10 years everything was about him, he needed so much care, we loved him so much. I hate this.

Ten years ago I lost my best friend and kitty cat, Butch. I almost followed him, sometimes I wish I had. I know this time it's not an option, I have to stay and take care of the family I have. Hubby, Autumn and little Majik need me. In a way it's nice to know I'm past the half-way mark. I'm 55 soon, I don't have as many years left as I have lived. Sometimes that's scary and sometimes it's a comfort. I know I can go and be with my boys.

I also know tomorrow will be better. I want to give you all out there hope too, even if I'm not feeling it much today. I AM doing better, I can look back and see how far I've come. While I do cry every day some, I don't cry all day anymore. There is joy and much love in my life, I can see it now. I can reach for it now.

I know when Moose passed he filled the universe with his love, he was so full of love. I'm selfish I know, I wanted it all for me for a while longer. When my Butch passed he took some of the light from my life, and Moose took more. Maybe that is what life and death are, we live and our losses make life darker and darker till we can't see anymore. Oh I'm am such a downer today, I'm sorry.

Moosie I want to see your little face so much baby. I want you to yell at me and love me and be with me. I thought we would have more than ten years buddy, I really did. I miss all of you, but most of all your love.

You had such a huge soul, you filled anywhere you were. The house is so empty without you in it. Mommy is so so sad without you. it's so hard to look at your pictures, and so hard not too.

I do have love and joy in my life, I was crying so Majik kitten came and asked for attention, by poking me in the bum with his sharp little claws. When I picked him up he licked my tears, which only made me cry harder. He is so soft and small and has such a precious little body...he's just not Moose.

Mommy will love you forever Buddy

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[Amarna]

Dear Lori ~~

I know what your husband means, that they are whole, again, and don't need us as they did when they weren't quite themselves, anymore. But especially soon after, after going nights and nights without sleep, keeping him on his feel long enough to do what he had to do, even to eat, to drink, etc, and when I no longer had to do that, my body must have been in some sort of shock. I was actually changing, physically. I was hardly eating and hardly getting any sleep. After he was gone, until very recently, I couldn't even sleep during the night because I was used to not sleeping. I only could think of, literally, who was going to pick him up, now. I would do it all again, for him. My baby.

I'm sure Pan is carrying Moose and rubbing his tummy! Pan loves animals and he, I'm sure, is frolicking in glen and glade with Moose. I bet your memorial for Moose was lovely. It's been four months for you? On the eighth of this month, it will be three months, for me. I just miss my furry keeshond-baby so much.... I will look for his face in the face of the Full Moon, tonight and tomorrow night.

Blessed be ~~