I Miss You So Much, Four months for Moose Kitty Options

[Moose Mom]

Today is a very hard day, my Moose kitty has been gone 4 months. How could it be so long? How can I make it day by day without him? For 10 years everything was about him, he needed so much care, we loved him so much. I hate this.

Ten years ago I lost my best friend and kitty cat, Butch. I almost followed him, sometimes I wish I had. I know this time it's not an option, I have to stay and take care of the family I have. Hubby, Autumn and little Majik need me. In a way it's nice to know I'm past the half-way mark. I'm 55 soon, I don't have as many years left as I have lived. Sometimes that's scary and sometimes it's a comfort. I know I can go and be with my boys.

I also know tomorrow will be better. I want to give you all out there hope too, even if I'm not feeling it much today. I AM doing better, I can look back and see how far I've come. While I do cry every day some, I don't cry all day anymore. There is joy and much love in my life, I can see it now. I can reach for it now.

I know when Moose passed he filled the universe with his love, he was so full of love. I'm selfish I know, I wanted it all for me for a while longer. When my Butch passed he took some of the light from my life, and Moose took more. Maybe that is what life and death are, we live and our losses make life darker and darker till we can't see anymore. Oh I'm am such a downer today, I'm sorry.

Moosie I want to see your little face so much baby. I want you to yell at me and love me and be with me. I thought we would have more than ten years buddy, I really did. I miss all of you, but most of all your love.

You had such a huge soul, you filled anywhere you were. The house is so empty without you in it. Mommy is so so sad without you. it's so hard to look at your pictures, and so hard not too.

I do have love and joy in my life, I was crying so Majik kitten came and asked for attention, by poking me in the bum with his sharp little claws. When I picked him up he licked my tears, which only made me cry harder. He is so soft and small and has such a precious little body...he's just not Moose.

Mommy will love you forever Buddy

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[Moose Mom]

Amarna

I guess the biggest question is, 'who is talking care of them now'? I keep saying it and my husband keeps telling me, he can take care of himself now. My head believes it, my heart doesn't I guess. I keep thinking of all the things he needed and wanted, everything we did, with joy, for him.

When we did his memorial I asked Pan to please carry him and rub his tummy sometimes. It's so hard to give them over into the Great Ones care. For comfort I read the chapter in 'The Wind In the Willows", 'The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn".

Blessed Be