Kasha, Mommys Lil Girl, 18 days without my baby Options

[Stargazer_gold]

I'm so glad to have found this site. 18 days ago I had to put my little westie mix girl to sleep. I am devastated beyond belief! Kasha had a relaspe of a middle ear infection, she didnt know up from down and her eyes rolled around wildly. The Vet didnt have much hope for her. After 3 days of treatment he finally said it was time and that she was suffering. So I said go ahead and put her to sleep. Now I have feelings of guilt, I should of been there for her last moments to comfort her and ease her passage but I wasnt strong enough to do this one last thing for her, I will never forgive myself for letting her down. I wonder if I should of taken her else where for a second opinion..........so many unasnswered questions. I am so lost without her little presence. Tomorrow her ashes should be in at the vets, so tomorrow will be a really hard day for me. I have 2 other dogs but they dont seem to be any comfort to me, I was really only close to Kasha, from the day I got her we formed such a strong and loving bond. I spoiled her beyond reason and for that i do take comfort in, she may not of had long in this world but at least she had it all for the time she was here. I miss the smell of her, sounds crazy but I do. When I went to bed at night she slept with her head on my pillow cuddled up to me and I would put my face down in her fur , smelling her and I would go to sleep that way. Everything I did I did for her. Now I feel as if I have nothing but this empty painful void in my heart. I feel like I have lost something vital in my life that will never be replaced. Kasha truely was one of a kind and unique. 3 years was not enough time.

[Stargazer_gold]

Today marks 6 weeks that Kahsa has been gone. I still miss her so much. I still can't talk about her without crying. I catch myself looking for her without thinking, oh how that hurts when I do that. When I go to bed is when its the worse, I guess my mind then has to much time to think and grieve. It still doesnt seem right to not have her laying next to me on the pillow at night.