Six Months Without My Furry Options

[Furry's mum]

It was 6 months ago that my darling Furry died from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I can't stop the feelings of guilt - I just keep thinking that if only we had given her the aspirin she was meant to have, but which made her sick, she might still be here with me. Also, when I read here about how many times people have tried different treatments & vets I wonder if we did enough - we only took her once to see the consultant as it was such a long journey for her.
My husband says he remembers her as happy in the garden in the summer, but all I can think of is her lying gasping for breath in her last hour, & I can't even remember if I was talking to her or if I told her I loved her at the end.
I keep looking at websites about the disease & thinking there might have been something else to try, but why do I do it when it's too late for her now?
Would she still be here if we'd kept her indoors & not let her walk about & strain her heart? The Sunday before she died she was out in the garden & caught a mouse & it was this exertion that brought on the saddle thrombosis which paralysed her back legs. But she'd recovered from the same thing in February, so I just kept thinking she would recover again. I so regret going out shopping on her last morning, those few hours of her being here that I missed.
I suppose that the pain has got less, but right now my heart is breaking I miss her so much.
Judith - Furry's mum

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[Daisy's Mommy]

All the what if's - what if I had fed her differently? What if I had gone to a different vet, tried a different medicine, come home earlier that day, seen the signs earlier? What if I had been more assertive with the vet and on and on

All the regrets - why didn't I pet her more? Why didn't I tell him I loved him more? Why didn't I give her one more treat? Why didn't I let him have that special food that I loved? Why didn't I walk him more? Why didn't I fluff his pillow more?

It is natural to think all these things when a loved one dies. But, I think that these thoughts in a way serve mainly to block out the real thought - the one that is unbearable - My furbaby is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.

The what if's are easier to think about than grief and sorrow.

Furry's Mom, you were so clearly a wonderful, loving mom to your furbaby. There is no reason to have regrets.

Best wishes,

Daisy's Mommy