Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[myhrtisbrkn]

Debbie,

It is good to here from you. It is short days for you yet and I know you still hurting so much.
Its a curious thing about the " its just an animal" crowd. Some of them are callus , soulless, insensitive boors, and some of them are just ignoramuses who are in their clumsy way trying to make you feel better. Anyway, there are far too many of both kinds.
I scattered some of Macks ashes in various of his favorite parks, out on the ranch, and in the park where Birga pulled him out of the cold, swollen,creek. Some of the ashes I keep, on the hearth, in the velvet bag I recieved them in. And I bought a tiny little key fob, in the same color as my truck that I keep on my truck key: and my faithful trucking companion goes wherever the truck and I go. The strange thing about Mackies ashes is that they are still warm. he died Sept 2, and we got the ashes back one week later, his ashes are still warm.I'm trying not to reach for a magical explanation for that, but I find the warmth of his ashes dangling against my knee from my key chain to be a source of courage, and comfort and inspiration.
I struggled with that tricky "once the grief is gone, what do you have left", business. I think the answer is, and I'm not entirely there yet, a healthy, joyous rememberance, unblemished by tears.
For now I wish you a whole day unblemished by tears.

Dayna