Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[E.M]

Debbie,

I really glad you have posted, I've been thinking about you every day wondering how you were and hoped you would come back and let us know.

I totally understand you not coming here if you are not up to it, or if it is upsetting you and I totally understand the thoughts about 'getting better', I didn't like the idea that once the grief is gone then what do you have left? It is not a bad thing though, I've been crying less, I even went 4 days without crying and then felt bad about it. It's the quite times when it hits you the most, like you say when you go to bed, and then I just think 'well thats another day without Denis, what is so bloody good about that!'

I'm glad you are thinking about another dog though at some point, I think they can be great healers at a time like this. I am now a proud owner of a black cat which I call Denis the 2nd, but the good thing about this one is that I don't have to feed it, I don't have to take it to the vets, it is never going to get sick, but best of all it is not going to die on me because it is a very realistic curled up toy cat!! I hope that made you smile.

You have another traumatic issue ahead of you to deal with, the scattering, so try to be strong, I'm sure your boy will be looking down on you.

I quite agree, it would be good to all sit around with tear streaked mascara running down our faces! The 'outside world' just doesn't seem to get it, do they?

Anyway, take care and write when you can.

Debbie (E.M)