New Here...just Lost My Cat Options

[mollysmom07]

I just lost my best friend and baby at 3am suddenly. She had been sick off and on the last year. She was 10 years old. I am absolutely heartbroken. I can't stop crying. I am so glad I stumbled onto this forum. I have a daughter that is 4. She is doing better than I and asks when we are getting a new kittie. I am sorry if I am rambling. I have been up all night and haven't eaten in 24 hours. My Molly saw me through so much and was by my side through my infertility, my grandmother's death, my divorce, 2 major surgeries and the adoption of my daughter. In 2 weeks I am having back surgery and my assurance was knowing that Molly would be by my side in bed and on the couch. What do I do know? How will I get through this surgery without her? I walk through the house and see her everywhere. I hear her and smell her. THis is my first pet of my own. I can't even be strong in front of my daughter. She is the one telling me "it will be ok Mom". I feel so much despair. I didn't see it coming. It hit so fast. She suffered really bad the last 12-16 hours. How do I cope? I have been on the phone to my friends and they have been great. My family have been the pits but they are very dysfunctional. My dad cussed the entire time he dug her grave. I just spoke to her and petted her gently and blocked it out. I am just a mess. Somehow I have to pull myself together and go to school and teach tomorrow. Does anyone have any advice? I have tried to read some posts but they really upset me and I couldn't quit crying. I just want her back so bad. I feel helpless. I am sure it will get better but it doesn't seem that way right now. I hurt too much

Thanks for listening.
Kim

[mollysmom07]

I am trying to figure out how to post a picture of her. She is a black cat. Olivia and I just laid flowers by her grave. It is a muddy mess because of the rain we had. I hope and pray she isn't wet. I am looking through pictures and now realize that at Christmas she didn't look well. But then I complained at her for trying to climb the tree and took her down more times then I want to count. Now I feel guilty. I took her water and food bowl away. Now that sits empty. I pitched the litterbox. I just fear getting through my surgery that first two weeks and being without her. When do the tears lessen? I would love to take tomorrow off but my boss is a witch and I have already taken off quite a bit with my back so that won't fly. I thought about going in and if my daughter isn't well then coming home. I just feel so empty on the inside. I want the pain to go away. Now I feel the guilt like I didn't do enough. I am also doing nothing for my daughter today and pretty much leaving her alone and that makes me feel guilty. Having this group that I didn't know existed makes me feel better. Now if the tears will just lessen this week.

I am so sorry for Maui. I know what you are going through. Since he was black I bet he looks just like my Molly.

Thanks again. I hope our pain lessens. I didn't know my heart would break this much.

Kim