My Heart Bleeds Options

[E.M]

My Denis past away on the 21st December 2006, he was (still is) a beautiful 14 year old black cat and had chronic kidney failure. With the aid of tablets we managed to keep his condition under control for a year until two weeks ago when his levels shot through the roof and he was off his food. The vets took him in to be put on a drip for 3 days where I was allowed to visit him. He picked up a little whilst I was there and I told them he was unhappy with the drip in his arm so they said they would keep him in one more day then I could take him home for the weekend to see if he picked up when he was back in his own home, if not then we would have to think of the inevitable.

There was little change Friday night, and throughout Saturday and was still didn't eat. The only think that seemed to comfort him was an inordinate amount of cuddles which I gave him.
On Sunday there was a complete turnabout and he wolfed down 3 bowls of food and was up and about walking, albeit a bit wobbly. On Monday he went back to the vets and I told them of the positive day previous we had had and they let me take him home again and said if he goes downhill again then there would be little we could do for him. Denis again had given up eating and all he wanted was to be held and kissed and cuddled, which he reciprocated back with such passion and force it was heart wrenching, I had never known him to be like this.

Denis was now very weak and falling over a lot so I had to make the decision for the vet to come round to the house so we could do 'it' together with him in my arms in the chair that we had spent so many hours together sharing so much.

It's the worst thing I have ever ever had to do in my life. The guilt is insurmountable.

I told him that, that night we would turn on the Xmas lights, find the brightest star in the sky and make a wish for him. We carried him outside with us wrapped up in his box and made a wish. I said I would light a candle for him everynight until the New Year.

Tonight even though I will be alone I will try not to be upset. I've gone through every emotion possible from guilt to anger to sadness and back again but tonight I will try to be happy for him. I miss him more than words can explain and its a horrible place to be in right now.

I like to think that I was his earth mother whilst he was here and needed me and now he has left and made that big journey on his own. With every end there is always a beginning.

There is no comfort at a time like this, only, I know I am not going through this alone.

Love you always Denis, I miss you so much it is unbearable. Peace be with you my man, there will never ever be another Denis, eternally yours. ************xx

[Moose Mom]

Renee

Of course you can't replace Sox, and you are not even gonna try. It's not 'moving on", you will still feel the same way you do now about Sox. You just have so much love and a great home for a cat, you are going to offer that to a baby who needs it . Sox loved you so much, he always wanted you happy, didn't he? Didn't he hate it when you were sad? Well now he want you to have a new baby to love. Sox knows you love him, how special he was and he wants you to be happy.

It takes time and patience to develope a relationship. You will never have just what you had with Sox, but a new guy helps us get back the joy in life.

Maybe you need to go back and get the brown boy, or maybe the PetCo adoption thing would be good. I'd say you are 'in the place' to get a new baby. I can't wait to see it! I try to stay out of shelter as much as possible, 'cause I always want to rescue them all too.

Furkidlets' Mom

Yikes too much pain at once. The two anniversarys are so close. Five months and the first birthday without Nissa. Oh my heart breaks for you. Sometimes venting is all you can do, that and like you said, cry till you can't see. I'd like to say I'll be thinking of you on the 23rd, but Moose will have been gone 3 months so...well that day will just suck big time.

AlleysMama

OMG what a cute kitten! Bourke, what a name. After a bag, lol. All the kittens in the litter are named after fashion, that must have been a day at the shelter! Of course I want him too. We all want him, he'll have a forever home in no time. Oh how I wish it could be with you.

Love
Lori