Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[sheps mama]

When I told Shep's story (edited version!!) I didn't think it would help anyone because the anger, pain, guilt and sorrow I was feeling was overwhelming me. I was pretty selfish because I just wanted someone to say the words that have now been said here, and help relieve some of my suffering. So, now that I have had a few good days, I can see how his story may have helped others here as your stories have helped me, and I am so glad of that and I bet Shep is too.

Amarna, Caesar is a babe and yes, our stories are like duplicates. For the last 8 or 10 months, Shep had been moaning through the night and my partner would get up and placate him. He always mollycoddled him and I was left to do all of the "bad cop" stuff. As much as he was my boy, I still felt the need to show Shep that just because he liked the sound of his own voice at times, it didn't mean he deserved a treat. My partner used to give him treats believing that it would quieten him, which of course it never did! But in the end, I now think Shep was uncomfortable at night and now I am racked with guilt about this.

Shep still had a great appet*ite, still enjoyed walks (although no longer the 2 or 3 hour treks he used to love), still showed his love for life (now & again) and still looked exactly like the boy he was when he first came into our lives. And now, the gaping wound he has left feels like it will never be filled again.

Like you, this site has helped me enormously and I feel that in some way, it is keeping him alive for me, just by talking to other like-minded people. I'm sure Caesar, Shep, Mack, Hrudey & "Heartdog" are having a whale of a time together, wherever they may be.

I will keep coming back here as it does my heart good to hear your stories and talk about Shep too. Take care & speak to you soon.

Debbie
Sheps mama