Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[myhrtisbrkn]

What a handsome dog, so steadfast a gaze, confident and masculine (antlers notwithstanding).
I know what you are going through with your partner. No one loved Mack more than Charles ( my husband). Mack was devoted to, and protective of me, but he was a guys dog and hanging out with his dad, doing " guy stuff", was what really made Mackie-bear happy. But, as most men do, Charles has the ability to "box-up" his grief,and anger and disbelief (Charles was in denial about how sick our boy was until he drew his last breath),and set it apart from his daily life. And since he sees it as his job to make me happy, dry my tears, and keep me from all harm, Charles takes my inability to stop crying, or raging, or just shutting down at times, as a personal criticism. I seem to be unable to help him with that.
It has often struck me how many times when I was in the most need of support, I ended up propping the people I expected to be there for me. This I believe is the true meaning of mercy. I have had to show it to a number of my nearest and dearest who just didn't know how to deal with my raw grief. How could they, they didn't go to sleep at night with his velvet muzzle pressed against their ear, or wake up to the joyful thunderous drumming of his mighty tail.
I have at last reached the place where I don't relive Macks illness and death every minute. But I prefer to live my sorrow rather that shut it out, even if I could chose to. I never would have shut Mack out in life, I won't shut out his death.
You continue in my thoughts and prayers.

Dayna