Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[Amarna]

Dear Shep's mama ~~ I just found your post on this site, and I had to write to you, as I feel your words about your dear Shep mirror my thoughts and tears, exactly. Four weeks ago, to the day and nearly to the minute, my husband and I chose to say goodbye to our darling keeshond, Caesar. We had our little boy for 16 years, almost to the day, 80% of our married life together. You see, he was a Christmas preasant to me from my husband in 1990, and we said goodbye to him two weeks before Christmas, four weeks ago. The words that you used to describe what you are feeling,... how I cry at the exact same things you are experiencing. Caesar had arthritis in his hips. No cancers, no bleeding, nothing internally wrong with him. He just could no longer get up on his own, he couldn't hold his water, he could no longer stand up to eat or drink and I had to help him, he could only walk a few steps before he fell down, he cried all through the night because he was frustrated because he couldn't get up, but he had all his teeth, all his fur, he could see, he could hear, etc. He still looked beautiful. Finally, I told my husband to "make the call", early that morning before the sun rose, after a particularly rough night. My husband would come home from work, eat a bite of dinner, then go to bed, to rise around 10:00 PM or so, and then I would go to bed, and then get up around 2:00 AM or so, for the next shift. Caesar would barely get a couple of hours of sleep at night, and neither would I. This had been going on for months and I no longer knew what a full night's sleep was, and neither did my husband. But my baby was worth it. Still, I could not ...I didn't know *how* to....even now, I find it hard to even say. What we did to him. He also looked at me with so much trust in his eyes, at the vet. I feel like he felt we betrayed him. I also held his head in my hands, as did my husband and my mother who also loved him. We all held his beautiful head, petted him, told him we loved him, "I love you Caesar, I love you, Caesar..."....over and over, and then the words of the vet telling us he could no longer hear us. It rips me to pieces. Every Friday at 4:45, in about a half hour.... when it's sunny and the sun is setting.... Your letter ripped into my heart.... Every word you said about your own experience.... I'm always at this site, now. I hope to heaven that my little boy, Caesar and your darling Shep are together. I get a bit of peace from that idea, that they may have found each other, since their mommies share so much of the same story. Thank you for telling your story. I needed to hear that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. Thank you...

Proud to be Caesar's mommy, Forever