Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[sheps mama]

Again I am struck by the empathy you have expressed in trying to help me through this. People like you are few on the ground: I am counting my blessings that I had the sense at this terrible time to log on and search for the help that you all have brought me. Your stories are so touching and similar to mine, it gives me hope that these feelings will soon lose the jagged edges and I may be able to talk about Shep again, and look at pictures of him without the panic-y, sick feeling raising it's ugly head.
It's hard to believe that it's 5 days since the loss of my darling boy. How did I get here?Who knows, but I know this site and all of the kind words I have received here from everyone, have kept me from going under. I read some of your stories and I think, my story is not so bad. Some of the things you guys have gone through are horrendous, and yet here you are, helping another person come to realise that these feelings will eventually reduce in severity until you learn to live with them. There's a reason why the animals you loved came to be with you and they are the lucky ones, just like Shep.

Yesterday was Tuesday and it was my best day so far - I only "lost it" twice and thankfully I was home at both these times.

Hopefully we should be receiving Shep's ashes home soon - I don't know how this will make me feel but it will be good to have him back in the house again.

Once again I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything. I was sceptical at first about using the site but desperation does funny things to you. It is still early days but today is another (stormy) day and I am getting there slowly. Strange, but it now feels like it's time I should be trying to help someone just like me get through this, so I will look at some of the other topics now, to see if I can reassure anyone the way you guys have done for me.
I have attached some pictures of Shep - hopefully I've done this properly, if so there should be 2 pictures.

Thanks again,
Debbie
Sheps mama

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