Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[sheps mama]

I am so thankful and grateful that there are people out there as crazy about their animal family as me. I am deeply, deeply touched by your comforting words and your desire to help me through this hell - it couldn't have come at a better time. Last night was the worst so far. My partner is giving me the silent treatment because he is climbing the walls from hanging around the house with me. He says he wants to be with me through this but I now feel he is punishing me for not being able to react in the way he would like (go away on holiday for a few days!). We had a terrible arguement last night and I went mental , literally. I was screaming like a crazy woman, trying to explain that this was no help to me. I drove off into the night and just cried and cried. I miss my baby so much that there is a hole in my heart and it just seems to be getting bigger.
Then i logged on and read your posts - the sun is slowly getting over that mountain.
[Our furkids can't tell us when they are feeling pain and it's a part of nature that they try to hide any weakness and pain from others. In the wild an injured animal is easy prey for others. Though they are our indoor furkids now they still retain that aspect of nature. Given the arthritis Shep had and the extreme difficulty walking, he was probably experiencing a lot more discomfort than he was showing you.]
Ken, your words struck home to me as a nature lover. They made me realise that he probably was in more pain than he let on. Thank you for making me understand this. John, your way of describing guilt as part of the grieving process is making me understand I have to go through this in order to come out the other side - if only I could remember this after I have logged off!
Kim, I really relate to your story - and your words are more appreciated than you could know. Everyone here has been fantastic - most of my own family are lost for words to comfort me but at least here I know that you all understand exactly what I am experiencing. It's good to know that you have been where I am and are still out there, helping others come to terms with the passing of a beloved animal. Don't you sometimes wish that you weren't so sensitive? That it really didn't upset you this much? Since Shep's passing, I have vowed that i will never have another animal share my life becasue it is just too painful when you need to let them go. But I hope this changes - my life is full of memories of this great creature - in fact, I can't remember not having him. Like the time we went on holiday to the north of Scotland and it was very cold at night. We were in a log cabin and Shep had had a haircut the day before. He crept under the covers with me and lay alongside me the whole night - he was like an electric blanket!! An eight stone, five foot (on his back legs) Old English Sheepdog in a single bed with me and my partner. In the morning he refused to get up. We tucked him in bed and took a picture of him - he looks the the wolf who had just eaten granny (little red riding hood)! These are the things that I will try to hold on to now. Thanks again for all your expressions of love and empathy. I could stay here all day reading your posts as they help me enormously, but as you guys are on the other side of the world, you are probably sleeping now. Until tomorrow, thank you again and again.

Debbie
Sheps mama