Euthanasia, Help me to accept I did the right thing Options

[sheps mama]

I am new to the forum & don't know if I am using it properly, please bear with me. I have just lost my precious Old English Sheepdog, Shep. He was 14 1/2 years old and I don't think I will ever feel normal again. The vet advised us over a month ago to put him to sleep as old age was wrecking his body. He was having problems walking at times but his spirit was willing - it was just his body that was letting him down. He was clearly suffering froom old age but because we were with him all the time, it seemed very gradual to us and not as bad as the vet made out. We love this boy with every bit of us and now the pain is just too much to bear. He was the most loving, giving creature and now I feel that I have let him down just when he needed us most. We did the inevitable yesterday and I feel like someone has ripped me apart from the inside out. I have cried, screamed and shouted and nothing is making this feeling of overwhelming guilt & sorrow go away. How could I have believed that we were doing this for his good? I held his head in my hands as he slipped away and now his face is haunting my every moment. I knew I would never ever be ready to accept that it was his time but now I feel that he wasn't ready either - the way he looked at me as he slipped away - I will never ever forgive myself. I feel that life has just lost it's sparkle and I will never here or see my precious boy again. Can someone please help me believe that we did the right thing before I lose my mind altogether?

[boatlady13]

Sheps Mama:

Let me give you an abbreviated version of the nightmare I had with Miss Ellie from not putting her down when I felt is was necessary. I listened to everyone but my dog and she suffered because of it. I should have put her down on Dec. 22 so we both didn't have to go through this:

I feel I betrayed my dog when she quit breathing during her heart attack and i did mouth to mouth and she came back. She came back with a stroke and i feel so guilty I tried to save her when she had been suffering from heart disease and kidney failure. It just tore my heart out to see her so air hungry that I had to help her breathe. She gave me a wierd look when she came back like why the heck did you do that I was at the rainbow bridge waiting to go over!

How utterly stupid and foolish of me to prolong her sufferning by giving her mouth to mouth. The visions of her being air hungry are haunting me and I just wanted her to be comfortable. I stroked her head with water and blew on her face then she quit breathing and I started giving little puffs of air to save her. When she was still air straved and couldn't get up, i decided she was suffering so much to take her to the 24hour ER clinic that WAS thankfully open on the christmas holiday at midnight. It was a nightmare and the guilt of causing her to live one more minute while suffering has haunted me for days. I should have let her just die in my arms and it was mean for me not to let go of her and make her live another 45 minutes of suffering. I pray she forgives me as I just wanted to make her feel better.

You see I resolved to put her down after she came back from mouth to mouth because she came back fragmented, unwhole, a paralized mess. How cruel of my family and me to not put her down when her interest in life quit, when she couldn't eat for 2 days and couldn't take her medicine to control her heart. No her dad said we couldn't put her down on Christmas so I listened to what made sense at the time. I didn't want to put her down and what did we do but cause her to suffer in the end. Her poor little face struggling to breathe is one of my last memories of my loving little dog. Know you did what was right your dog didn't suffer one minute. Be thankful you aren't left with memories of causing your best friend to suffer longer than he should have.

The decision is so hard and I fear I waited too long because of the holiday to mercifully end my dogs suffering.