Where Are The Animal Lovers? Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

I'm sick to my stomach, with my grief and with the human race during my grief! I thought I had a decent plan to get through the holidays by breaking up this horrid sorrow with a little bit of 'socializing', something we'd done very little of while tending to Nissa when she was still alive. That plan has suddenly and sickeningly turned very sour and basically ruined any hopes I had for helping myself over these dreaded holidays.

We attended the first Christmas get-together with some folks from my H's workplace last night...and I was sickened by their selfish, insensitive and downright cruel att*itudes about animals. The hosts had 2 dogs, but all hopes of getting to visit at length with these darling boys were immediately dashed. These people don't allow their dogs in the house more than once/week, and then only in the basement. The husband got a new puppy for reasons incomprehensible, since he neglects both dogs terribly, as do even their 2 young boys and teenage daughter. The wife never wanted another dog, period, so will have nothing to do with the new dog. Their first dog was formerly abused badly (by someone else), but seems to be valued mostly because he was trained as a military dog and so has learned to "never bark", be completely docile and obedient and essentially be more of a 'showpiece' than a dog. He was bitten by the newer puppy (both Labs) and had had a bad abcess which the husband "didn't notice for quite a time." He has arthritis starting in one hip. He's a 'model' dog, never complaining...yet still isn't allowed to live inside with his family. The husband complained about the recent $500 vet bill for this abcess.....THEN told us he'd been thinking of getting yet another puppy!! The existing puppy will likely end up getting mauled by their neighbour's dog, who is even MORE neglected, being left outside all day, every day, and has chased the hosts' children many times. The new puppy is already 'escaping' their backyard by crawling into the neighbour's yard (under the fence) to be able to greet the kids when they come home from school...and no one's seeing to fixing the fence. The wife hates the puppy....because he CHEWS things in his boredom. (well, DUH!) Neither of them have ever had a puppy before now, and are clueless about them.

Other guests (all females, yet) spoke of "bagging deer" should they wander through the front yard there; their cats, (who remained nameless throughout the conversation) who had serious health problems (like kidney disease) which weren't being addressed whatsoever; absolute ignorance and no concern about health care; total disregard and disrespect for wildlife, etc.....and on and on it went, through the entire evening. I, on the other hand, had spoken for a brief time (before I realized what kind of a crowd I was in) about our loss of Nissa, the constant and loving care I took of her, her value to us, the 'sacrifices' we made on hers and her brother's behalf through the years. All fell upon deaf ears.

We ended up giving the host heck (in a friendly yet assertive fashion) about his neglect of his dogs and their care, challenging his complaints about the vet bills by 'daring' him to compare their pittance to OURS through the years (my H 'warned' him to "don't even GO there, with US", as we'd put him to total shame!) and tried our best to make him aware of what he needed to be doing for these 2 great dogs, and that they were WORTH spending more time, attention and necessary money on!!

We both left upset....with humans, once again severely disappointing us and all the animals of the world...not wanting to get to know ANY of these people even marginally...both realizing that no matter where we seem to go, who we seem to meet...in the end, it's always the same. When it comes to caring for and about animals...most humans are sorry excuses for life, our feline son's and daughter's lives and deaths are meaningless to them, our grief, and therefore our very selves, are nothing less than weird and totally alien to them, and worst, there seems to be NO hope of ever finding anyone, in person, to whom I can even begin to relate to...when I need that kind of relationship the most right now! I am truly alone and ostrasized in my grief and in my love for the creatures who preceded OUR highly questionable existence here. Humans make me sick (except for those of you here, of course and those I read about but never get to meet) and so ashamed to be part of this twisted species. I can't and don't even want to understand these people, and never have. I don't belong here. As such, there is no real hope for me to heal among those of my own species and I don't know where to find the rare exceptions to the rule. It was my darling Nissa and Sabin who always gave me refuge from the cruelties of humans in this world. And now, I have only an empty house to come home to after such assaults on my sensibilities. Where will I ever FIND other animal lovers nearby????

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Hi Michelle,

I'll still look into it, but I believe if real hormones are used in products, they 'harvest' them after the animal is killed. In the case of foxes, they would most likely come from a fur farm (shudder). I do know that in the making of many perfumes, cerval cats (a wild species) are either tortured or killed to get the pheremones that are used as a "fixative" in perfumes. (the hormone comes from their a*nal sacs) I learned of this years ago, and immediately stopped buying any perfumes that weren't natural by themselves...like essential oil perfumes from plants.

That sounds like quite a job to look after your mousies, and I applaud you for your efforts of love! So I gather your felines are pretty well-behaved and don't jump onto the cages to terrify the mice?

Sigh....I keep trying to avoid insensitivity, but it was pretty hard in this email case, since one can't tell in advance if a seemingly harmless 'forward' is going to end up being hurtful until you've actually read it! By then, it's too late. The worst thing about stuff like this coming from supposed friends (or family) is that, even after you've done your duty and told them how it made you feel (so the chances of them repeating it are minimized)...they refuse to apologize for their mistake, which makes the hurt even deeper! Is everyone so fragile, ego-wise, that they can't ever admit they made a mistake?!?! It's like they have to save face, no matter HOW big the consequences will be. In this case, I still haven't heard "boo" from this woman, and she usually phones me early each week if I haven't yet phoned her...so I suspect she DID read my emailed response and is now hanging onto her self-agrandizement of being the most helpful and inspiring human of all time, rather than just facing the music and saying a simple, "I'm sorry...I didn't think," in order to save our friendship. And THAT makes me feel like I'm just not worth that minor and short-lived embarrassment to her. Her heart just isn't opening up wide to accomodate my recently-broken one.

And here I was, apologizing to another friend for my poor memory during grief...something SHE also suffered with after she'd lost her father last year, so should have understood in the first place! Aaarrgghhh! Is it any wonder so many grievers end up isolating themselves?....and then 'they' tell you it's not healthy to isolate! Too much is up to US, when we're the ones who ought to be more catered to while we're hurting so much. People are too often too selfish, period. They back us into a corner from which there is no escape...then blame US for not helping ourselves! (yah, we're so"superior" to other species, intellectually... ) I'll tell you...I could really go for a "Hey! Let me groom the stuffin' outta ya for all the angst I just caused you!" kind of apology right now, like cats do when they've just 'bugged' their pals a little too much!