Watching Their Death, vs being out of the room Options

[samara]

My final moments that I remember of Twinkie were of him struggling with the tape on his feet. He was scared when the cold saline ran through his line and he looked up at me with these big scared eyes. Then, the euth solution was given to him and he was gone. Completely gone. His body was there but his soul was not. His long, white tail that he always held so high and proud was limp in my hands. These memories are burned into my memory and they are the source of a lot of pain.

The social worker and vet told me this was the best way to do it. That way, I can see him go in peace. I don't know that I feel that it was the best way because the memories are so vivid and I replay them in my mind, which causes more grief.

I was there when my little Twinkers died. It's just so incredibly sad to think about. I just waved my magic pet owner wand and Twinks life was over before my eyes. It was so painful. It wasn't helpful for closure and it just makes me miserable to think about.

So why the he ll did they encourage me to watch this?!?!?!?

[samara]

Thanks to all for the hearfelt responses you gave. I never thought I would get this much support from cyberspace but you all (unfortunately) understand what I"m going through.

I am actively trying to NOT think of his death. Not to fixate on those last moments because they didn't matter. Twinkie didn't know what was going on. I need to realize I was there for him and that's all that really counts. He wasn't mad at me, he was uncomfortable with being in a room of strangers. and he perked up because of the adrenaline of being at the vet.

I think the best thing for me to do at this point is try to put those scenes out of my mind because they are painful. But I do think there is value to being in the room because of the social workers stance and the regret felt by members on this board