Watching Their Death, vs being out of the room Options

[samara]

My final moments that I remember of Twinkie were of him struggling with the tape on his feet. He was scared when the cold saline ran through his line and he looked up at me with these big scared eyes. Then, the euth solution was given to him and he was gone. Completely gone. His body was there but his soul was not. His long, white tail that he always held so high and proud was limp in my hands. These memories are burned into my memory and they are the source of a lot of pain.

The social worker and vet told me this was the best way to do it. That way, I can see him go in peace. I don't know that I feel that it was the best way because the memories are so vivid and I replay them in my mind, which causes more grief.

I was there when my little Twinkers died. It's just so incredibly sad to think about. I just waved my magic pet owner wand and Twinks life was over before my eyes. It was so painful. It wasn't helpful for closure and it just makes me miserable to think about.

So why the he ll did they encourage me to watch this?!?!?!?

[Taco's Mummy]

Samara,

I'm so sorry about your loss. Your Twinkie was such a beautiful kitty. I know what you mean about having those last moments etched in your memory forever. I knew that I definitely wanted to be with my Taco at the end and I feel fortunate that I was but just thinking about those last moments will always make me feel terribly sad. It's been 3 and a half weeks and I've spent so much time crying, feeling guilty, being depressed. Whenever I have really sad thoughts I now try really hard to counteract those thoughts with a good memory. I do think that not knowing what his last moments were like would have been heartbreaking as well and chances are you would be second guessing yourself about that too. We took on our baby's pain. Doh, I'm crying again.

Please be well,
Sandy