Really Missing Jordan, I'm having a hard time today Options

[anln]

It was a month on Monday that we said goodbye to our black lab Jordan. I have to say that I had been doing much better recently but today I'm really struggling to keep back the tears and not just lay down in bed for the day. Last night my husband found Jordan's extra leash under the seat in his jeep which upset us both and then while doing some yard work we found a tennis ball and one of his "babies" or stuffed animals in the woods. Part of me really expects him to come bouncing out of the woods. Today I took my digital camera disk in to download some pictures and there were three of Jordan that I had forgotten were there. I took them the week before he died. Although we have hundreds of photos of him, knowing these were the last that I had taken hit me. I just zoomed in to his face and studied all of the little curves and longed to kiss and pet him. I especially looked at his ears...they were the softest things I have ever touched. (Even when he was sick and the rest of his fur had turned coarse and lost its shine his ears still glistened.) We use to say they were velveteen ears. My friend said they were a cross between velvet and silk. I miss him so much. Grief is a strange thing...Its like it takes on a life of its own and shows up when you least expect it. It reminds you that it is always nearby. I was doing so much better the past week and wham! Thanks for listening.
Jordan's mom

[BabyHannahsMom]

Yes, I have had the same experience a few times, and I too felt "guilty." But it's a beginning of learning to live with our very changed lives without our babies. And, of course, they would not want us to be sad. The best that we can do is to try to move forward and learn and grow. We have all shared so much love with our little ones, so much to be grateful for. Also, since most of our time is still spent missing and grieving, I think after awhile, we just have to have a little reprieve. We all need to take care of ourselves and not go into deep depression. Lord knows, the pain and longing is just too overwhelming sometimes. Bless you.
Marcia