Really Missing Jordan, I'm having a hard time today Options

[anln]

It was a month on Monday that we said goodbye to our black lab Jordan. I have to say that I had been doing much better recently but today I'm really struggling to keep back the tears and not just lay down in bed for the day. Last night my husband found Jordan's extra leash under the seat in his jeep which upset us both and then while doing some yard work we found a tennis ball and one of his "babies" or stuffed animals in the woods. Part of me really expects him to come bouncing out of the woods. Today I took my digital camera disk in to download some pictures and there were three of Jordan that I had forgotten were there. I took them the week before he died. Although we have hundreds of photos of him, knowing these were the last that I had taken hit me. I just zoomed in to his face and studied all of the little curves and longed to kiss and pet him. I especially looked at his ears...they were the softest things I have ever touched. (Even when he was sick and the rest of his fur had turned coarse and lost its shine his ears still glistened.) We use to say they were velveteen ears. My friend said they were a cross between velvet and silk. I miss him so much. Grief is a strange thing...Its like it takes on a life of its own and shows up when you least expect it. It reminds you that it is always nearby. I was doing so much better the past week and wham! Thanks for listening.
Jordan's mom

[anln]

Dear Denise, (and everyone)
Thank you for your replies. I'm having a better day today,,. no tears or anything.
I don't know if anyone else has had this experience but today it was nearly noon before I had thought of Jordan and then I feel so guilty... as if I'm diminishing his importance or my feeling of loss. I know he wants me to just have happy thoughts about him and I AM able to think about more and more happy memories all the time. I guess it just boils down to the fact that I miss him and want him here!