Piper Is Gone, But Now What..., I have another hard decision to make... Options

[Kenchimato]

Hello Everyone,

My name is Jeff, and until Tuesday I had two very sweet dogs. The first, a Chihuahua mix named Piper, who was 3 1/2 years old and my best friend in the world. I had her for almost 2 years. The second, a Lab mix named Sammy that I saved after she was abandoned before she was weened. She is now a little over 1 year old.

Tuesday evening after dinner I filled their treat ball, (a plastic ball that dispenses treats as they roll it across the floor), and set it down for them to play with. They quickly emptied it and I decided to give them a second round of play. I refilled the ball and set it down. Piper nudged the ball with her little nose, a treat was dispensed, and both dogs went for it. With no warning, and with no real history of fights, (beside the occasional spat and an accident when the lab first came to live with us), Sammy grabbed my Pip and shook her hard. I practically fell in between then and pulled them apart. The whole scene played out in about 5 seconds...

Within 10 minutes we were on the freeway to the emergency animal hospital. It was the longest ride in my life. When Piper and I arrived they took her down the hall, but I could hear her crying from across the building. The vet came out and told me he was preparing to give her morphine to stop the pain while he examined her. The cries became less frequent, but were regular enough that I had to go outside. And wait...

Two hours later I was called into the examination room. The doctor showed me two x-rays, and explained that there was significant internal damage. He said that it might be possible to save her, but she would need surgery then and there, and more operations in the future. He asked me if I was on a budget, and explained how he could help discount everything he could, and refer me to vets that could help me further. Regardless of what he could do for me, it would cost several thousand dollars to save her that night, to be followed by a lengthy stay at a clinic closer to home, and that I was looking at boarding costs, and another few thousand dollars in procedures and medicine over the next few weeks. Her outlook would be very long term if she made it, with some pain that might not ever really go away. He told me that I knew the alternative, and that it was a decision that I would have to make.

I sat with a box of kleenex looking at my wallet and bank card, with all of 400 dollars between the two. I could hear her crying in fear and pain, and knew that it had to stop. I hurt so bad in that room. They gave her another shot and brought her out to me for a few minutes to say goodbye. I signed the papers and they took her into the next room, and I went to the lobby to pay the bill. The vet discounted everything and gave me a lot of the services for free so that I could afford the bill. I could still hear some crying in the background, and as I turned and walked to the door, in the last moment as I opened it, the crying stopped...

The first decision was done, but the second one was waiting for me at home. My Sammy. In an instant she turned into a killer, and in an instant it was gone again. The last few days, now totalling four between us, have been slow and hard. I have built a memorial case and hung it over Piper's favorite spot on the sofa--it's filled with all her favorite things and my favorite pictures of her. I can't even look at Sammy in the eyes, but occasionally I watch her from across the room, moving around the house. I have noticed that she stops every few hours or so, stands with her front paws against that wall, and smells the display, taking her time, and then slowly walks away.

That night I was ready to call animal welfare, but stopped myself knowing that it may be a decision I would regret later--losing one was bad enough. It is still so early on and I have to make sure that enough time has gone by that I can see past the emotions I have now and make the right decision. I have spoken with friends and family, consulted with several vets in my city, and also talked to a retired police officer who headed up the K-9 force and now oversees dog training and consults the city's animal welfare office.

Of all those I have spoken with, the officer has been the most informative. Even though I asked the big question in my initial e-mail to him, during the following phone conversation as he described what he could do to help me with Sam, the question of putting her down never came up again. He has told me that he can help me train her one-on-one, and then in a group starting in about 3 weeks. She will become extremely disciplined in a few months when we are finished--she will sit, lie down, heel, shake, roll over, and fetch. Most importantly, he told me that when we are finished she will freeze, drop everything in her mouth, come to attention and await further commands with one word, "NO".

All of this aside, he warned me that he cannot promise one thing--that when all the right pieces fall into place, 1, 2, or 5 years down the road, no matter how well disciplined, she may snap and it may happen again. It is rare that an accident like this occurs, and the size difference had a definite impact on what happened, but for some reason people will never understand, when all the right stresses are in place, some dogs can just break for a second, like turning a light switch on and then right back off, and become what they really are--wolves...

I don't know if I will end up keeping her or adopting her out after she has been trained. For now I have calmed down enough to have taken euthanasia off the table as an option at all. I am partly to blame for this, not having disciplined or properly trained Sammy, and she is so sweet and loves me so much.

I guess I am posting this rather long story here to ask everyone how I should feel about Sammy, and how I should act around her. I am a logical person and know that while I am understandibly angry at her, she will never fully understand why. Acting towards her based upon my anger now, (four days later), is something that she doesn't understand and I can see the hurt in the way she acts. But should I play with her, pay attention to her, and let her sleep in the bed with me? Everytime I look at her I am taken right back to the exam room on Tuesday night, hearing those cries...

Am I making the right decision for now--training her and putting off the decision to keep her or adopt her out until after she is trained?

Am I the only one who has been faced with something like this? How did anyone else handle the situation?

Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks,

Jeffrey (Kenchimato)
Galveston, Texas

[Kenchimato]

Hello Everyone,

I felt like dropping in this evening, even though it is late and I have to be at work early tomorrow. It was very difficult getting through the weekend here at home, and when I wasn't sleeping I usually found excuses to get out of the house. I was very glad to get back to work this morning, (for once), because I was able to stay busy all day. However, when I got home it all came back.

Tomorrow's going to be tough--one week. I know in the end I will be okay, but right now I feel very guilty, and am angry at just about everything. My mom is coming for her first visit this Friday from Dallas. I have been looking forward to her visit for three months now, but after what happened I haven't been able to focus or be happy about anything.

Sammy occasionally follows me around but I can't find it in me to really spend any time with her. I feel guilty even petting her--like I am betraying Pip. Part of me wants to stay mad at Sammy forever for Piper's sake, but it isn't right. It is taking its toll on me as well as Sammy. She used to jump and go crazy everytime I walked in the door. Now she comes out, wags her tail a little, and goes back to bed. When I walk into the room, she keeps to the corners, and when I look at her she glances away and sulks out of the area. She really wants to be close to me and it is obviously hurting her--she is picking up on my feelings even though I am steering clear of her and not raising my voice. She acts scared of me now...

I will update more tomorrow.

Thanks,

Jeffrey