Missing You More Than Ever, My Furry. Options

[Furry's mum]

Today 3 weeks ago I was sitting in the garden with my best beloved Furry. Today it is cold & grey, which is how I feel & she isn't here to snuggle up to. I still can't believe I'll never see her again except in photo's & on the DVD'S. I find that I am getting more tearful, not less as I had hoped. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, perhaps it will be better to be out of the house all day.
But next Friday the Adoption Centre will be coming to do a home check & if I'm approved then I will be able to get another cat from them. There are 2 that I so want to bring home, but the old grey & white boy they insist has to be homed on his own as he hates other cats.
So, I will bring home "Bingo" - that name will definitely have to be changed! That is if the Vet doesn't decide she's too old & ill. They think she is between 12 & 15 years old, maybe even older. She's thin as a rake, & not eating much, but they can't find out what is wrong with her, so maybe it's just old age.
I know I am in for more heartache & grief, but the staff say she's very unlikely to get a new home. When I went yesterday to cuddle the oldies, it was the first time that she had come out of her sleeping pod - she draped herself around my neck & I could hear her purring. Then she sat on my lap for over 1/2 an hour purring all the time - it was sad to have to leave her.
I so so miss my Furry, no-one will ever replace her, but perhaps if I can give some comfort to this old lady it will ease the pain .
Thinking of you today & every day, all my love, Furry Furskin.
Judith

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[5catsmom]

Hi Judith and Trish and haleykate,
I wanted to come visit the site and catch up on the latest, and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for the pain you're all going through. There are times, I know, when it just seems things can't get any worse, or feel any worse, and then - wham! - they do. I was sitting in the house earlier tonight and thinking about the first few days and weeks after I lost 3 of my kitties, one in 2001, one last Dec., and one just last month. I remember that hopeless angry lonely feeling, and thinking that life will never be the same without any of them. I read on another thread where we want things to be back to normal, and then realize that now there will have to be a new normal, and I just have to say that's so true. Whether we want it or not, there has to be a new normal, and mostly we just don't want that. Short and simple, we just don't, but we have no choice.

I think in going through the grief process, having been through it before and having to get through it now, everything that has been an issue before, whether it's family or work or whatever - the weather, doing the housework, laundry, all of it - seems magnified when you're trying to struggle to come to terms with the heartbreaking realization that you won't have that furry one beside you anymore. All of life just seems to tilt, the world is out of kilter, and you can become so discombobulated (I think that's how it's spelled) that you can't seem to be able to get a focus on life anymore. It happened to me, I know from other posts it happens to others. It's the new normal that we're never ready for.

I commend anyone on considering adopting older or ill cats - I'm not sure I could ever be that generous. I couldn't even go near a shelter after any of my losses, so you see, none of you are mean or short-sighted or anything like that, at least from where I see it. You were given the ability to love and care deeply, and that's a trait that just doesn't come around the corner every day. It's a gift, not one that seems like a blessing at times like these, but it is a gift. It's the only way this world can keep from becoming the cold, heartless place it sometimes seems to be. And I know it seems to be like that now, when you're in such pain, but if it weren't for folks like you, these poor old neglected furbabies wouldn't stand a chance.

When I first posted here last December, after Magic suddenly died, I remember the first person to reply to me was Ken. I've kind of gotten to know him from his posts, and it's just like he said to Jeri in another thread, you're reacting in an absolutely human fashion. Looking into yourselves and facing and adjusting to the new normal is so, so hard, and it's never what we want to have to do. We see things in ourselves and others that we maybe haven't seen before, and we don't always like or appreciate or understand it. In the months since Magic left, I've seen myself change too - and I don't always like myself for it, or my family - well, my husband really, cause he isn't as emotionally invested in the cats as I am. But there are a lot of things that I've found in life since then that I can appreciate, and the people who come here and share their wisdom and thoughts, and are capable of connecting to and comforting others, is one of the things I didn't know before but has affected me so deeply. We're all in this together, and we all try to pull each other through, and what Ken said is true - it will get better. It may not be what it was before, and it can't be, but after struggling through this, and honoring your departed babies, in whatever length of time it takes, the new normal will become more familiar.

I don't know if any of this makes sense - I have a tendency to ramble on and on, but the pain I feel from you all is so clear I just wanted to hug you all to me and say we'll get through this. Thanks for listening and being there for me, too. Take care - Barbara