The Worst Decision I Ever Had To Make, euthanasia Options

[themostbeautiful...]

On July 31st, 2006 at about 1:00am I finally had to make the worst decision of my life. I had to finally say good-bye to my companion of almost 20 years, the most beautiful girl in the world, my feline friend, Alley. It hasn't even been a week and it seems so long in some respect. It seems like forever since I was able to hold her, it seems like forever ago that I gave her a kiss. The tears and sorrow haven't stopped and it seems unbearable. For the last two months I have been trying to get back the Alley that once was. She was diagnosed with chronic renal failure in June, but she seemed fine. Then suddenly she stopped eating, stopped drinking, stopped greeting me when I came home. All the medications began, the pills twice a day, the sub-q fluids every day, the force feeding two to three times a day. I was determined to get her back to where she had been not to long ago. Her vet started talking about when to "say good-bye". But I thought "no, I can't. She's made it through everything else, she'll make it through this too." She didn't. Sunday morning I found her in the litter box, with one of her back legs stuck over the edge, unable to move. My heart sank. Later that day I picked her up to spend some cuddle time with her (because most of our time was being spent with force feeding, and medicating) I picked her up and she growled at me, which she never does. I saw her back leg, and it was so swollen, I thought she was somehow broke it. So we rushed over to the Emergency Clinic, in the bottom of my heart I knew we weren't coming back together. To make a long story kind of short, the vet discovered her abdomen full of fluid and aspirated a large amount. I still don't know if I did the right thing, I keep thinking I should have done more, or maybe I waited too long. It broke my heart that night, but I held her while she died and I told her that mamma was sorry and that I loved her so much and she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Thanks for letting me go on, it just hurts so much.

[nyna22000]

I'm so sorry for what you've gone and are going through. I hope you find the comfort and support on this site that I have. My baby ,Oscar, will be put to sleep on the 15th. It is such a hard decision for us to make, but know in our hearts it is out of love for them.
Try to celebrate the happy times, and shared love. I think the loss of our furbabies is so agonizing because their love is continual, pure, and unconditional. No matter what you say out of anger from the chewed shoe, eaten fern, dumped trash can, stolen snack ect they forgive you right away with a wagging tail, loud purr or furry snuggle. I know I gave Oscar a good life, lots of love and got more in return than can be measured, and I am positive you did the same.
Rejoice in the fact that they will wait for us, and that they will be whole with no pain, no illness, and energy for a liftime together.
My thoughts and prayers are with you . Nina