A Good Bye To Bear Options

[Bear's Mom]

My sweet Bear, today has been worse than yesterday. At least yesterday I could cry when I needed to. Today, at work, I am fighting to stay in control. At times the pain is great, almost choking me to the point that I have to tell myself to breathe. I don’t know if I did the right things for you. I don’t know if trying to force food and water into you helped you or ended up hurting you. I can’t help but wonder if I had left you lying where you were instead of moving you to a spot more comfortable for me to try to tend to you, would the outcome have been different. I hate not knowing what made you so sick that you just wanted to give up instead of fighting to live. I would have fought to keep you alive until I took my dying breath. I can’t help but wonder if the sickness that took you and your dad will also take your babies at a point not too far down the road. My faith is shaken and I’m not sure I can ever retrieve the feelings I once had. I don’t understand how a higher power who is supposed to be kind and merciful can just take life away from beautiful, loving animals whose only desires in life were to please those who loved them. I wanted to bury you by your father, but it was not possible. I hate it that your grave is surrounded by only mesquites, but I am going to plant a weeping willow beside you so that you will have shade. You loved lying under the willow tree. Niblet misses you. I watch him walking the length of the fence looking for his dad. He knows something isn’t right, but doesn’t seem sure what it is. Baby, having gotten used to having her son in the yard with her, seems to wander a lot too. She is very old and I think she will be joining you one day in the not too far future. I just want you to know, Bear, that your family (human and doggie) loved you so much and miss you desperately.

1996 - June 12, 2004

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[LittleGirl's...]

I'm so sorry about the loss of Bear!

It's hard to understand why certain things happen, I know. Sometimes I've been able to look back at things and understand why I "felt" they might have happened the way they did. For instance, my beloved cat, Mariah, was only 3 1/2 years old when she died of pancreatitis in 1998. And on top of that, I know I didn't do the right things for her toward the end. I suffered a guilt so intense that even my body shut down to the point where the doctors thought I had MS---within days I had gone from being a healthy 35-year-old to losing coordination in my arms, legs, hands, and eyes. Anyway, my health did come back thanks to the support I did have in my life at that time (the #1 comfort was my love for my other cat, Little Girl). But a little over a month later, Little Girl, who was 11 at the time, was diagnosed with a serious heart defect. Looking back, I came to believe that Mariah somehow sacrificed herself because she knew my Little Girl needed me all to herself. Of course, given a choice, I would have had my Mariah back in a second!!! But I do feel that Mariah had given Little Girl the ultimate gift (Little Girl's life hadn't been easy up until around that point and she really did need me. As it turned out, I had her until March 24th of this year). ...Other things that happen in our lives we may not understand until it's our time to pass on.

Bear is pure spirit now and experiencing only bliss. He knows how much you loved---and love---him. As far as he's concerned, that is all that matters---just knowing your love. And I have no doubt he knows it, because love transcends the death of the physical body. For you, it's much harder, because your soul is still here in your physical body, and you're left to deal with the grief.

It takes time but I promise you that you will heal. For me in my journey, this site was the biggest miracle I could have hoped for.

Please read the excellent article on this site on dealing with the guilt. Guilt does tend to be a significant part of grief. Even if we were the perfect parents (which none of us were/are because we're human), we still feel guilty about things we did do that we shouldn't have, and/or things we didn't do that we feel we should have.

Please keep in touch, and write any time!!

With heartfelt support and love,

Kathy

p.s. Bear is very handsome!