Jewel Was My Companion, empty hearted Options

[cubby]

It has been three days since I made the decision to "put Jewel down". It was an agonizing decision. Jewel was my beloved ##er spaniel. She meant the world to me and was only 4 years old. I got her at eight weeks old and created a very close bond with her. We slept and played together every day.

She was unfortunately dealing with behavior problems where she could not be trusted around strangers or other dogs. Yet even despite these problems, I still loved her very much. I am writing this forum because it is hard to ask for grief support when the decision to end her life was not due to health per say but aggression. I am finding is extremely hard to let my feelings out because I don't want anyone to think that I condoned bad behavior or even trained Jewel to be that way. I gave her all the love anyone could, never hit her, was never mean to her. But for some reason as my vet and behavior specialist indicated, her 'wires were crossed' making her reason with challenging and difficult situations by becoming a fear aggressive dog.

All she wanted was to be with me or my family and was always at our feet or sitting right next to us. No matter where I went she was always there and always showed unconditional love. She could sense when I was sad, angry or happy. Yet, I had to make a hard but necessary decision to end her life for fear that her aggression could seriously injure someone.

I have cried for three days now, struggling with the thought that I know I did everything right. I know that I did not do anything wrong to bring about her bad behavior, knowing that it was an unfortunate cir%%stance. But, then I think of all the good times. When making dinner, she would sit on the kitchen floor next to me and just looked at me with those big brown eyes as if to say "I love you". She would come up to me unexpectedly and lick my leg, like a kiss, or sit next to the bathroom door waiting patiently for me to finish my shower. I know she loved me, yet I am dealing with a huge empty heart in dealing with my decision. In a rational mind, I know I did what needed to be done and was even confirmed by specialists and my vet. This was my decision, yet even though I did everything I was supposed to do, I am struggling now with her not here.

I have had dogs all of my life and Jewel was the fourth. We got her 2 years after our previous dog Brandy died, she was 16 years old. In all the postings I have read, it is true that unless you are an animal lover, you cannot empathize with the pain of a lost pet. I did everything with her. And, even though her 'wires were crossed', it's not my fault or Jewels. I did everything I could to make things right. I am struggling with having done the rational thing with her, but am empty hearted for allowing myself to let her go.

I know time will heal my loss, but I will never ever forget her. She was the "Jewel of my Heart".

[megsmom]

Mental illness isn't a disease that only humans can have. Unfortunately, you can't reason with a dog - you can't lay them on a couch and ask them what's bothering them. Sure there is behavior modification therapy and even meds like prozac, but when all avenues are exhausted, you are left with a confused animal that you love, but can't trust.
Remember that dogs want more than anything to please their parents/owners. To have such fear that Jewel would compromise her relationship with you must have been agonizing for her. Putting her to sleep is not a question of right or wrong. You didn't do it just for your safety or that safety of others, you did it to give her peace. To let her go on with agonizing fear (and feeling your fear as well) is cruel. No dog wants to be or enjoys being aggressive - it's not in their nature. You had one option and you took it. That was a very brave decision. Most people would wait until something happened that was irreversible. The only person who got hurt is you. I'm sure Jewel thanks you for liberating her of her anxiety and will see you again one day.