My Heart Is Breaking Options

[lovemytanjigirl]

On Friday, I took my beloved best friend of 12 years, Tanji (aka Fluffy), to the vet. She hadn't really been eating for a few days and had been somewhat lethargic. Over the last several weeks, I had noticed that she had become even more loving then usual. She's been following me around and sitting next to me and sitting down in the middle of my mail as I was trying to organize it. By the way, Tanji is a cat.
Anyway, back to the worst experience I've had in quite some time; the vet. After examining her for about 2 minutes, he said he an unfortunately easy, yet disturbing diagnosis. She had a large tumor in her abdomen, more than likely cancerous because of her age. X-rays confirmed this, along with news that it looks as if it's spreading to her lungs. The only way to confirm if it is cancer is to perform exploratory surgery. If they determine it is at that time, then they recommend euthanization, as cancer and recovery from surgery don't really go together. He said she has 1 hour to 2 months to live. She could die anytime.
So I decided to bring her home and let her live out her days in dignity, until I am forced to do otherwise. Why didn't I spend more time with her? Why didn't I get her to the vet sooner? Why was I annoyed when she sat in the middle of my mail? I think she knew she was dying, and tried to extend herself to me to the fullest in the previous weeks. I would give anything to relive these last few weeks with her. I love her so much. She never judged me and just loved me unconditionally. How do I stay strong for her? I have been crying for 4 days.

[5catsmom]

When my old cat Heidi was near the end, she would come and sit on my lap in bed, something she'd never done before, and I knew she was reaching the end, so even if she was occasionally incontinent - which embarassed her so much - I just let her have that comfort and warmth. I know it sounds cliched and old, but you will know - either she will let you know, or something, someone, will give you a signal. Most of us have that unexplainable experience, so trust yourself, you know her, you know her heart by now. Let her sort your mail for you, cherish those moments, cause you'll never, ever, regret them. But you know that, anyway.

Please come back and let us know what happens with you and Tanji - what a beautiful name, by the way. You're not alone, and you and Tanji have a bond which will never end no matter what happens - I firmly believe those kinds of bonds are eternal. Take care - Barbara