My Heart Is Breaking Options

[lovemytanjigirl]

On Friday, I took my beloved best friend of 12 years, Tanji (aka Fluffy), to the vet. She hadn't really been eating for a few days and had been somewhat lethargic. Over the last several weeks, I had noticed that she had become even more loving then usual. She's been following me around and sitting next to me and sitting down in the middle of my mail as I was trying to organize it. By the way, Tanji is a cat.
Anyway, back to the worst experience I've had in quite some time; the vet. After examining her for about 2 minutes, he said he an unfortunately easy, yet disturbing diagnosis. She had a large tumor in her abdomen, more than likely cancerous because of her age. X-rays confirmed this, along with news that it looks as if it's spreading to her lungs. The only way to confirm if it is cancer is to perform exploratory surgery. If they determine it is at that time, then they recommend euthanization, as cancer and recovery from surgery don't really go together. He said she has 1 hour to 2 months to live. She could die anytime.
So I decided to bring her home and let her live out her days in dignity, until I am forced to do otherwise. Why didn't I spend more time with her? Why didn't I get her to the vet sooner? Why was I annoyed when she sat in the middle of my mail? I think she knew she was dying, and tried to extend herself to me to the fullest in the previous weeks. I would give anything to relive these last few weeks with her. I love her so much. She never judged me and just loved me unconditionally. How do I stay strong for her? I have been crying for 4 days.

[Furry's mum]

You still have your beloved Fluffy, so spend every minute that you possibly can with her, & keep her by you. But when she starts to hurt then don't wait till the last moment to end her pain. That's what I did with my Furry, & it would have been kinder to have done it just a day or a few hours sooner. Then she wouldn't have suffered so at the end & I would have had happier memories of her last moments.
I think you are right not to put her through all the pain & separation from you that surgery would require.
Furry was ill for 19 months before she died, but the Vet told me several times when she was bad that she wouldn't live another week. I hope & pray that your Fluffy will astound the Vets by living much longer than they have said, just as Furry did.
Judith