Bye Bye Danny Boy Options

[Coconut]

I lost my Danny on the 13th, he was only 10 years old and full of beans. Nine days ago he came in the house looking a bit sick and we noticed he had an hemorrhage on his tummy so we rushed him to the vet. He said he had an enlarged heart an had to be treated, probably forever, and also got a sample of his blood to get it tested. A couple of days later they told us he had ehrlichia and anemia and they would try with two injections, antibiotics and vitamins to see if he would recover. I really thought he was going to get over it, at times he looked okay, ate his food and wondered around the garden, other times he would just lie in his basket shivering, the hemorrhage getting worse. The day before he died he looked perfectly ok, maybe a bit tired, he even came out to the door to say hello when I got back from the supermarket, wagging his tail as always. That night we decided to take him back to the vet because his stomach was so full of gas it was all swalloen. They did a couple of enemas and he seemed to feel a bit relieved, so we took him back home. But when we let him out to the garden before going to bed he was sick, I took my pillows to the living room and laid on the sofa with his basket next to me to help him just in case anything happened during the night. At four o'clock he got up, moaned, was sick and stopped breathing for a couple of seconds. I cleaned him and put him in his basket again, laid next to him with my hand resting on his tummy so I could feel him breathe and then fell asleep without wanting to. Half an hour or so later I suddenly woke up, he was choking so I grabbed him and tried to do something, anything, but he stopped breathing, definately. I called my mom and she tried to reanimate him, but there was nothing that could be done.

It still feels like a dream, when my other dog starts barking I expect to hear his high-pitched bark follow hers. He used to go to sleep under a small table in a corner of the living room, when I pass next to it I still check to see if his tinny feet are moving under the tablecloth.

My father seems to have got over it pretty quickly thought he's the one Danny spent more time with, following him around the garden, sticking his noise in whatever my dad was doing. My other dog doesn't seem to have noticed he's not here anymore, and at times I hate her because of that, because Danny was madly in love with her and loved to spend hours licking her tummy, and looked for her when lunch was ready to tell her. And what really breaks my heart is the thought of forgetting about him, it scares me to not remember what his bark sounded like, I know it was annoying, but I can't hear it in my head. I've had other dogs, one of them died and the other one had to be given away because she didn't get on with my baby girl, so we found her a nice home, and I can't remember anything about them although it wasn't so long ago, so I'm frightened that the same thing's going to happen, I keep trying to remember what he smelled like and things like that but seems so distant in time, like a hundred years had gone by... I cried so much when I realised we didn't have that many photos of him, at least they would help not to forget him.

My mother keeps telling me that I'll get better with time, but I don't want to, getting better somehow feels wrong, even sitting here looking through web sites seems wrong, anything but feeling sad feels wrong.

I'm really sorry if I made some spelling mistakes because I'm spanish and my english isn't as good as it should. Thank you for taking the time to read through all of what I've written.

[SHO713]

I read all these posts and just keep crying and crying. We all feel such pain and somehow that makes me feel a "little" better and glad we have these sites to "vent" and get it all out.

It was 3 weeks ago this past Monday that my baby Abbie died and I thought I was doing a little better, but last night was horrible again. I was hysterical and could not sleep or stop crying. I just can't get past this awful feeling that she is gone. I have to start breathing in a way to try and calm myself when the realization hits me all over again and I literally feel hysterical in the pain of missing her. Just missing her presence and the emptiness is awful. I went to a grief counselor for the 2nd time yesterday and she asked me if Abbie could have spoken, what I thought she would have called me. I said "Mommy," and the tears just fell and fell. It is that feeling that our little furbabies are perpetual little dependent babies that need us so much for all their needs. So, to me she was like another child and that's what I feel like I've lost. I mean this in no disrespect for people that have actually lost a human child, but the counselor pointed out pain is pain. And what I am feeling is as real to me now as anyone's pain for any given loss. She also pointed out that this shows how deeply I am able to love and that is something to cherish.

I just cannot believe this coming Monday will be one full month without her. I have the towel I wrapped her in for that last trip and even though I washed it in haste that night thinking I could wash away the sadness, it still has her scent and some of her hair on it, so I actually slept with it the other night and held it as if it was her resting on my chest, purring away. It didn't really help and again tonight I am just so, so upset and missing her beyond belief. I loved her with all my heart and miss her as much today as I did in the beginning. But, the one ray of hope is that I am feeling a little closer in deciding to get another kitty. I was actually able to look on-line at Petfinders.com and realize how MANY more babies are out there waiting for us to love that without us, would either have no one to love them, no home and/or be put down. No other cat will replace my Abbie, she was truly one in a million, but I need to feel that bond and happiness, somewhat, again.

I have had to have 2 previous dogs that I dearly loved put down and my "first" kitty, 2 years ago. Those were terribly painful, but Abbie was my "soul mate" as others have mentioned. We had such a bond and even though she was always deaf, we had a "sign language" so that I would pat my leg and she would come running and up on my lap in a flash. I cannot remember a time I was sitting in my chair reading the paper or a book that she was not on my lap. She would sometimes crawl ONTO the paper so I'd have to actually read around her, but she was content and so was I so it didn't matter. Since she had her claws, even clipped, they would make this sound on the one rug in my bedroom and I literally shot up in bed the other night as I "heard" her walking on the rug. My dog has never made that noise since his nails are thicker and didn't go into the berber rug the same way. I was sure she was in the room. Of course, the realization she was not there was devastating. I KNOW she's gone in my brain, but my heart hasn't caught up yet.
My grief counselor suggested I write Abbie a letter, but I've yet to do it. I feel so proud to have had her so long and thank God for the gift of her. We really are the lucky ones to have had these little creatures in our lives. I almost feel sorry for people that have never had this bond with a beloved pet as it is truly awesome. Thanks everyone for understanding and sharing in this journey.