My Dear Old Boy Winston, I miss him Options

[Elaine]

I had my old boy pts last month. He was the grand old age of 21. He had been diagnosed with crf a few years previous. I decided to let him go as he began to look so very old and tired and had had a bad couple of weeks where he wasnt really eating much, had to be admitted to the vets for a few days due to dehydration, was given steriiod injections and appetite stimulants, but nothing was helping him to pick up again.
I told myself that he had had a happy and long life and sought reasurances that i had made the right decisions by him. I have cried every day since I let him go. Over the last week though, I feel uncontrollably angry and distressed.
Did I do enough for him, was he really ready to go, should I have let him go sooner, did i let him suffer too long. All these questions and more.
I still have 2 cats and I love them dearly but Winston and i had a very special bond and had been with me all those years.
The last 2 years have been very emotional, never knmowing if his next vet visit was his last, reading up on all aspects of crf, always constantly trying to do what was best for the old boy. Changed vets several times to try to get a vet to listen. Feel very lost and alone with out my best friend. Finding my anger and outbursts of emotion very hard to control and dont know what to do about it.
Thanx for listening to my self obsessed rantings.

[Zooey's Dad]

I am so sorry.

The grief overtakes us and consumes us and it's so difficult.

21 is an incredibly long life, and I'm sure you did everything you could to make his life wonderful.

I too struggled with the "timing" issues: too soon or not soon enough?
It's a cycle where you beat yourself up either way.

I believe that things happen for a reason, and there were perfectly valid reasons for why I made the decision when I did. It's still a terrible decision to have to make, but as one friend said to me, i freed his spirit from his dying body.

The night before I brought him in to put him down, I felt that I didnt want him to go another day in the shape he was in. I did not want the little fella to live without dignity. Prolonging that would have been for my own selfish reasons of not wanting to let him go. Its so difficult.

I now believe that when you are torn between it being too soon or not soon enough, the truth is in the middle: it was the right time.

Good luck and God Bless.