My Baby Jake, A passage from my journal Options

[Jake'sMom]

The weather is so wonderful now….you would just love lying out in the back yard, basking in the sun. My sweet boy, how I miss you! It amazes me still how the pain just tears through me. The tears I shed every day don't come as a surprise anymore....they are so common and part of me now. I feel like I left you on your own to die. I know, I was there, holding your sweet, tired, and worn out body as you passed, but I still feel like I should have had some way to take this on with you. I guess the journey you took is one all of us have to take alone, no matter how loved we are. I still wonder, though, what you found at the end of that journey. Was it the “rainbow bridge”? Was it something wonderful, peaceful and ever-lasting……or was it “lights out”. Another thing that amazes me is how unreal this all seems. It is so difficult to deal with the fact that you are no longer here. Even writing that sentence makes me want to pick it apart. What does that mean? “You are no longer here”. Oh my god, you will ALWAYS be here, if only in spirit. Baby Jake, I miss you so much!

Love you always, your Mom.

[Jake'sMom]

((((Kim)))) - I know you've been with me from the second I got onto this wonderful forum! I am so sorry for your pain. I can't make it go away anymore than I can make my own pain disappear. But, together, maybe we can get through this in one piece.

Sending some major ((((HUGS)))) your way!

Jake's Mom