How Do You Cope Without Your Soulmate?, Do you recover? or just get use to it? Options

[Crystal's Mom]

This is my third night to be lost! This is my third night to be so alone! This is another sleepless one! How do you cope without your life and soul. I feel as if part of mine passed on when my soulmate passed away. I am in agony! I still can't eat, can't sleep, can't breath sometimes. I have yelled out in anger. I have cried desperately to bring her back. I have tried to make deals. I have tortured myself. Do you ever recover? Am I ever going to feel whole again? Do you ever get used to the idea of your baby being gone?

I MISS CRYSTAL SOOO MUCH!! She slept with me every day of her 14 year life. Now I find I cannot sleep without her. I keep finding myself reaching for her to pull her closer only to find there isn't anything there. But every time I close my eyes, I am haunted with the last thing I saw, her poor lifeless body. How do I get beyond this? I am trying to remember how happy she made me and all the good times, but that just makes me miss her and feel guilt that I couldn't perform a miracle and make her healthy again.

I have talked to her constantly. I am so worried about her. Is she happy? Does she know how much I love her and miss her? Is she pushing her cloud bed in exactly the right shape before she goes to sleep?

I am lucky and fortunate that I was allowed to share her life with her! I do have quite alot to be thankful for and I am, but the pain is severe. The love for my human children makes me go on and exist for them, but there is a huge void in my life without my first child. My fur child. The one that was always the best behaved, most loving, and cuddly.

This site and all of my fellow animal lover friends are the only comfort I have found. Please help me work through this. Even my two beautiful children are not bringing me joy as they usually do. They are 4 & 6 and keep forgetting she is gone and calling for her or talking about her which starts the tears and the memories flooding again.

I have found comfort from this site and many of you here. Please help me get through this!

[Crystal's Mom]

3 WEEKS TODAY

I got a sick feeling in my stomach all day today. I had been doing better, but today it happened all over again. Am I going to continue to have emotional overloads every Thursday? I held her urn and cried my heart out 3 times today. Sweet girl, I still miss her unbearably.

I saw another Maltese today and lost it. Then, I had to drive by the vet on my way somewhere else and lost it again. I guess I will be haunted forever by the visions of her last day.

My 6 year old came home from school on Tuesday with a drawing of Crystal on a blanket in her backpack that said, "Blanket Fairy, will you take my baby blanket and bring me back Crystal." <flood> Then tonight when it was bedtime, my 4 year old said her prayers and blessed the entire family, including Crystal, like she always does. Then she said, "God, I really miss Crystal, could you let her come visit me in my bedroom this night?" <instant meltdown> Crystal seems to be communicating through her, so I hope her prayer works. (I will always treasure the bluebird she and Crystal drew last time she had a dream.)

I still miss my baby girl. Sweet little furry angel. The house sure is empty without you! Mommy loves you!

~Not sure when it starts to get easier, but 3 weeks still isn't it!!!~

Thanks to all of you for the encouraging words!

Sonda

P.S. I did have a wonderful thing happen this week. If anyone is interested, my 6 year old did a Brad Paisley music video that premiered Wednesday. You can view it at YahooMusic.com. Then put in a search for Brad Piasley "The World". Scroll down to The World VIDEO and watch it. My daughter is the 6 year old in the orange shirt. It is also on CMT & GAC