How Do You Cope Without Your Soulmate?, Do you recover? or just get use to it? Options

[Crystal's Mom]

This is my third night to be lost! This is my third night to be so alone! This is another sleepless one! How do you cope without your life and soul. I feel as if part of mine passed on when my soulmate passed away. I am in agony! I still can't eat, can't sleep, can't breath sometimes. I have yelled out in anger. I have cried desperately to bring her back. I have tried to make deals. I have tortured myself. Do you ever recover? Am I ever going to feel whole again? Do you ever get used to the idea of your baby being gone?

I MISS CRYSTAL SOOO MUCH!! She slept with me every day of her 14 year life. Now I find I cannot sleep without her. I keep finding myself reaching for her to pull her closer only to find there isn't anything there. But every time I close my eyes, I am haunted with the last thing I saw, her poor lifeless body. How do I get beyond this? I am trying to remember how happy she made me and all the good times, but that just makes me miss her and feel guilt that I couldn't perform a miracle and make her healthy again.

I have talked to her constantly. I am so worried about her. Is she happy? Does she know how much I love her and miss her? Is she pushing her cloud bed in exactly the right shape before she goes to sleep?

I am lucky and fortunate that I was allowed to share her life with her! I do have quite alot to be thankful for and I am, but the pain is severe. The love for my human children makes me go on and exist for them, but there is a huge void in my life without my first child. My fur child. The one that was always the best behaved, most loving, and cuddly.

This site and all of my fellow animal lover friends are the only comfort I have found. Please help me work through this. Even my two beautiful children are not bringing me joy as they usually do. They are 4 & 6 and keep forgetting she is gone and calling for her or talking about her which starts the tears and the memories flooding again.

I have found comfort from this site and many of you here. Please help me get through this!

[Crystal's Mom]

Do You Think it was A Sign?

My 4 year old woke up this morning saying, "Mom, I dreamed about Crystal last night!" Since I have yet to sleep well enough to have a dream, I was very interested. (The little sleep I get is very broken.) I told her to tell me about it.

She said, "Crystal came from Dog Heaven to visit me in my bedroom. She told me about the blue birds in Heaven. She asked me to help her draw one of the blue birds. So I did. This is what it looked like. After we drew it, she went downstairs to see you. Then she went back to Heaven."

Then my 4 year old gave me a picture she had drawn (with Crystal's guidance) of a blue bird. (attached)

Do you think Crystal is trying to let me know she is okay. Since I still cry at night and can't sleep, do you think she chose my child that loved her most?

I despirately want to have a dream or vision myself to let me know she is safe and happy. I still MISS HER TERRIBLYand will continue to do so. I just long to have some sort of confirmation that she is running and playing, happy and healthy, safe once again.

I LOVE YOU SWEET CRYSTAL!!!

Attached image(s)