How Do You Cope Without Your Soulmate?, Do you recover? or just get use to it? Options

[Crystal's Mom]

This is my third night to be lost! This is my third night to be so alone! This is another sleepless one! How do you cope without your life and soul. I feel as if part of mine passed on when my soulmate passed away. I am in agony! I still can't eat, can't sleep, can't breath sometimes. I have yelled out in anger. I have cried desperately to bring her back. I have tried to make deals. I have tortured myself. Do you ever recover? Am I ever going to feel whole again? Do you ever get used to the idea of your baby being gone?

I MISS CRYSTAL SOOO MUCH!! She slept with me every day of her 14 year life. Now I find I cannot sleep without her. I keep finding myself reaching for her to pull her closer only to find there isn't anything there. But every time I close my eyes, I am haunted with the last thing I saw, her poor lifeless body. How do I get beyond this? I am trying to remember how happy she made me and all the good times, but that just makes me miss her and feel guilt that I couldn't perform a miracle and make her healthy again.

I have talked to her constantly. I am so worried about her. Is she happy? Does she know how much I love her and miss her? Is she pushing her cloud bed in exactly the right shape before she goes to sleep?

I am lucky and fortunate that I was allowed to share her life with her! I do have quite alot to be thankful for and I am, but the pain is severe. The love for my human children makes me go on and exist for them, but there is a huge void in my life without my first child. My fur child. The one that was always the best behaved, most loving, and cuddly.

This site and all of my fellow animal lover friends are the only comfort I have found. Please help me work through this. Even my two beautiful children are not bringing me joy as they usually do. They are 4 & 6 and keep forgetting she is gone and calling for her or talking about her which starts the tears and the memories flooding again.

I have found comfort from this site and many of you here. Please help me get through this!

[Tillie]

Well its been 13 weeks since Tillie died and I still have my meltdowns almost daily. This has been the worst experiance of my life for some reason. I have learned to take my grief private now but at first I did not give a hoot about others and what they thought. They cannot comprehend what we feel they can't. So at some point I decided this is between me and Tillie it is now a private thing just for me and her and I want it that way. I have gone in my car to a park and had my cries and we need to do that it is a way to find release from the gut retching pain. I go to my bathroom fill the tub lock the door and cry wherever I can be alone with my pain and thoughts of Tillie. I no longer even want to share it with anyone else.

I too have gone through blaming my husband he gave too many treats over fed her I blamed the vet hospital (still do sometimes) I blame myself we look for someone to blame because someone or something HAS to be responsible for such a loss. But the end result is the same. I am sorry all of us have had to come here to meet soooo sorry. At the same time I thank all of you too for being here 3 months and my brain is fried, confused and my heart hurts like all get out.

Tillies mom