It Hurts So Much, pain of loss Options

[smitty_sca]

i lost my special friend mocha cat three days ago and am really struggling with the pain. everytime i look over to where her kitty condo used to be i start to cry. everytime i go to do laundry and she is not following me i start to cry. i feel so empty inside. am i going crazy?

[river23262]

Joanna,
Your story sounds a lot like mine. Except my kitty Fig was 6 and he did have a known underlying heart problem. Outwardly though, he was all alive, healthy, exhuberant, and playful. I took him in for a 1-year follow up cardiac ultrasound and the anesthetic stopped his heart. I have been sick with sadness, dizzy with disbelief and confusion.
You said that you can accept that it happened. I just can't seem to get to that point. I oscillate between horror, sadness and anger. There is no peace now that my joy is gone. Fig was my joy. I want to blame someone. This just should NOT have happened. It was not his time. I have blamed myself relentlessly, every day since it happened almost 8 weeks ago. I am mad at the vet and have spent hours and hours researching it on the internet to see if they advised me incorrectly/not prudently. It is making me sick, especially since it is pointless. He is gone, and even to type that makes my head spin with disbelief and horror. I miss him so much. He was my world, my joy. Fig also followed me to the bathroom, every time I went in there. He would jump into the tub and tap his paw on the faucet til I turned the faucet on a drip. Then he would lap up the water. And he was a wonderful snuggler, "spooning" with me in bed, especially on lazy weekend morning when i slept in a little. You sound strong. I am not, and I don't even want to be. I am just being consumed by the grief. This loss is more than I can stand.

I realize that this is not very "supportive" in the spirit of this board- i.e., pet loss support, but I just marvel at how some people seem to be able to put their head in the right place (healing, acceptance). But I seem to be stuck here in this nightmare and in some ways i don't even know if I have the will to get out of it.