I Lost My Friend Today, pet loss Options

[Debbie1712]

It hurts so much, at lunch time Monday 17th May I lost my friend. I have a form of Autism and she never placed any expectations on me except that I love her, which I was able to do unconditionally. From a little girl I had always wanted a Poodle, four years after I married I had been working as a foster mum for a dog rescue and word came in that they had a litter of ten black Standard Poodles left at the RSPCA that morning. My supervisor took me immediately and I was in heaven surrounded by ten black squirming balls of fluff. They also had their tails, none had been docked.

She sat in the corner watching me whilst her five brothers and four sisters devoured me, patiently waiting her turn she decided it was her time and casually came over to me, stood up on my knees and promptly nipped my nose. It was instantaneous love, and we left with Bella my baby. As can be the case with this breed she could be completely scatterbrained at times, but never once did she grumble or attempt to bite; even when my two Autistic Sons came along four and a half years apart.

Time went on and before we knew it Bella was elevn and developed a bad limp, she lost her first toe in October 2002. All seemed to go well until exactly a year later in October 2003 she lost another toe; this time the vet told us it had been cancerous. On Monday 10th of May Bella was unwell, we were told it was a tummy upset so she had the medication and we were told to give her a light diet. On Friday evening she had some blood on her top lip, checked her thoroughly and couldn't find anything so bathed her lip thinking she had caught it playing in the garden.

At 11.30 pm on Sunday she started to bleed from her nose, we immediately called the emergency vet who really didn't want to come out but I insisted. My Husband and my Brother and Sister-in-law took her whilst I stayed with the children, they were told it was a grass seed and leave her until the following day to see our own vet. I rang back and complained but he never returned my call, so we nursed her through until the morning when we went straight to our own vet.

I was so devastated, she was by then bleeding a lot from her nose and it was distressing her greatly but when my parents arrived to go with me she bounced around and was so excited to see them and their Standard, Harry. We took her to the vet, my heart heavy. He said that she was anaemic and he didn't know if she would survive the anaesthetic but that he would do tests and call us in two to three hours. That was the last time I saw my baby's eyes, he called to say that it was cancer and the tumor had ruptured a large blood vessel in her nose; did we want her to be brought round to say goodbye or should he just let her carry on sleeping?

The selfish part of me wanted to scream at him down the telephone and say I wanted to see her but all my love for her would not allow me to put her through anymore after the night she'd already been through so I gave him permission to leave her to 'sleep'. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, I couldn't bear to go and see her as I'd had to be persuaded out of the vet's earlier when we left her there. My Dad and my Sister-in-law went to see her, she was laid beautifully and covered by a tartan blanket. They gave her a cuddle for me and all the kisses they'd promised and my Dad told her that Bertie, the Standard my parents lost four years ago was waiting for her at the Rainbow bridge with Coco our very first family Poodle when I was younger.

It has been thirteen hours twenty-three minutes and forty seconds since I put the telephone down after speaking to the vet and I don't know what to do. The pain is so great, I went to feed her earlier and told my Niece to close the front door because of the road. We have had many a struggle with my Autism and our children due to various reasons but all through it I have had my best friend to love and comfort me, I don't know what to do now she's no longer here. I know it will get easier, I know this because my Mum was just as I am now when she lost Bertie. But for now the loss is very hard to bear and my heart is breaking.

I know that Bella is with Bertie and Coco and they're running healthy, happy and free but I wish so much that she were here with me now.

Debbie

[Mayabella]

My heart is heavy for both of your losses. It has been just 3 weeks since I had to put my cat down. I had her for 16 years, and still think I see her out of the corner of my eye, or hear her. It's so lonely without her. Time has lessened the intensity but the sadness is still very much there, along with the longing and pining to have her back.

Light a candle for your babies every night. I do...for all our furbabies.

Keep in touch with us...we understand...and we grieve with you. We know how very sad it is and will support your loss, as we grieve through our own.

Prayers for all,

Cindy