Living Without Leroy Options

[karenmc]

I need someone to tell me HOW to start living my life without my Sweet Beauty. I read somewhere about changing your routine - he was a part of my WHOLE ROUTINE. He was my alarm clock in the morning - no need to have the real thing - he got me up before my alarm went off looking for breakfast. I hate making meals now because he would always be right there reaching up to sample what I was cooking. I had to turn the handles of pans inward on the stove for fear he would pull the pan off just like a small child. When I go in or out I still think Uh Oh is the door shut and I check because he used to like to try to sneak out. I want to sleep all the time to just avoid feeling all this pain and I can't even do that because all I do is think about how he used to be here with me, his head butting under my hand when I read a book for a good head rub. I want to sit by the fire in our pellet stove we just got but he loved the warmth of the fire that he not only slept in front of it on colder days - that's where he died. I feel like I have got to snap out of this but I can't. I cancelled a shopping trip tomorrow because I just can't deal with all the holiday stuff right now - but I will have to sooner or later - and I guess it will have to be later because I just can't handle much of anything right now. Help me. I miss him so, so much.

[karenmc]

Jo and Rebecca: Thank you both for your posts - I'm sorry you both are walking down the same path that I am - but at least I don't feel so alone. Yesterday, I thought I was starting to turn a corner. Slapped on some makeup, only cried twice in the morning but dragged myself to the store for groceries - carefully avoiding even a glance down the pet food aisle. I held myself together pretty well the rest of the day until last night when my husband and I both just completely broke down. Today, I'm right back where I started: listless, lonely and totally dejected. I keep telling myself that it is selfish to want more time with Leroy than what we had - not everyone is as lucky as we were. But I just can't help but want him back. The holidays are not helping either. I begrudge no one their right to be cheerful at this time of the year, but I am in no way festive and I just wish it would go away. And to add to it - my birthday is in less than 2 wks. People keep asking what I want - What I want they can't give me.

I know Wicket, Leon & Leroy are altogether with all the other furry angels in a pain-free safe place. Hopefully we can all get to a pain-free place too someday.

Thinking of you
Karen