Ginger, How my surviving "sister" and I miss her Options

[mxmelba]

Hi. This past Friday night at 7:10 pm I received a call from a woman who had just hit my cat, Ginger. This was the worst phone call I have ever received. I didn't want to hear her when she asked crying "Are you Ginger's mother?" I screamed no and then she said she was so sorry. I threw the phone at my husband. I couldn't believe it. My heart literally broke that instant. Then my poor husband had to go get our beloved pet from the street. It was awful. I am still a wreck. I can't stop crying.

One of the saddest things is watching our other cat grieve. I have always called them sisters, even though they aren't litter mates. We got them at the same time. They are both young, not even 2 years old. I can't stand watching Mary Ann the surviving cat (her "sister") be so sad. I am torn at getting her another friend. The thought breaks my heart, but I want to do what ever it takes to make it easier on Mary Ann. Mary Ann was so close to Ginger that if I tried to take Ginger to the vet and not bring Mary Ann, Mary Ann would vommit she would get so upset, so I would just haul them both (in the same carrier!). I am at such a loss. I know there is no right answer to this. I am not really ready, but I also can't stand seeing my cat so sad. She just lays there and follows me with her eyes and is constantly grooming herself. My family (and husband) all say I should get another friend for her. Mary Ann has always been the mellow cat, where Ginger was the more active (and vocal) cat. I think a kitten would be too much, and I am unsure of getting a male. I am sorry I am rambling, but my heart is broken and I am unsure if or when I should get another companion.

Also, they were inside-outside cats with a cat door. I have been scared to let Mary Ann out because I do not want her to go looking for Ginger. She really wants to go out. Does anyone have any suggestions on when I can let her out again? Also, I am scared that she will get hit. I know there are no certaintys in life. I am just so extremely sad. She was so young. Any insights or suggestions on any of this would be greatly appreciated. (I know this is a touchy subject for cat owners with some people firmly believeing in indoor only and others not. I am not looking to discuss this subject, I am just looking for some advice for my situation.)

One last note, to all the people who have lost a pet, especially recently, my heart goes out to you. I know what you are going through and it is just plain awful. Thanks for listening.

[lewcynt]

I am so sorry for Ginger's loss. I went through something similar when I lost my cat Odin four months ago. I had two cats who were litermates and were very close. After Odin died, his brother Loki went into his own state of grieving. He would pace the house, going from room to room, meowing and investigating every nook and cranny looking for Odin. This went on for several weeks. I know when Loki went outside, I was concerned about him roaming as well. I supervised his outside time and fortunately, he stayed within the yard. I think he figured that Odin may come and wanted to stay close by. I had debated long and hard about getting him another companion. It was painful to watch Loki go on without his brother but for the most part, he seems to have adjusted to a solitary life. A loss like this is a life changing experience not only for you and your family but for MaryAnn as well. Giving MaryAnn some time to get used to the new situation wouldnt be a bad idea. She, like you needs her time to grieve. Just be prepared to give her the attention that she will want. She may be clingy and become distrought or even destructive. You just need to be patient. Loki was extremely needy after Odin died. I just made sure that I gave him the affection and companionship that he wanted while maintaining our normal routine. It was actually beneficial for both of us as we now have a stronger bond together. Just give yourselves time to grieve and adjust before doing anything else. Ginger was an important individual in your life and that loss will be difficult to accept and get used to. Just be gentle on yourself and those around you. You will find that you will have your good days and bad ones. The best we can do is take each day one at a time. Cry when you need to and be sure to take care of yourself. In time the pain will lessen. This is a wonderful forum to come to for help, advice or a shoulder to cry on. I know it has helped me. Please com back when you need to.

Take Care,
Cynthia