Completely Devastated, Lost my baby of only 7 months Options

[kellym]

We lost our precious puppy Beasley 2 days ago. He was a yorkie-maltese mix, only 7 months old, about 4 pounds--he had big ears that stood up (and triggered a lot of laughs and smiles) and the cutest beady eyes that drove straight through my soul. I can't stand thinking that he's not here with his dad and me anymore--he was our first pet and we literally built our world around him when he first came home with us as a handful of fluffy fur with an ever-wagging tail. From that day until Saturday, our world was filled with so much happiness and love that we wondered how we ever lived without him.

Today our world is quite different because Beasley's not in it. Not only are we grieving the loss of our baby boy, but we are also stuck with the sick imagery of how it happened. Beasley was attacked by a Pitbull/Rottweiler mix--I can't even describe the viciousness of the incident--it was probably the most awful, violent thing I've ever experienced, and sadly my mind replays it over and over again whether I'm sleeping or awake. Beasley was everything to us...though he was only a puppy, we had such a strong relationship and had created so many great memories. However, these wonderful memories and all the good things that happened when he was alive are consistently eclipsed by the cir%%stances of his death.

We drove 2 and 1/2 hours to a house-warming party...we brought Beasley with us because he was invited to come along as there would be other dogs, specifically puppies, there. We initially made the decision not to bring him, and our good friend already offered to watch him for the day. However, the day before the party, we decided that we would bring Beasley because he loved to be around dogs, people, (and cats!). Before going to the party, we called a friend to make sure his dog--a pitbull/rottweiler mix--would not be there, and he assured us that he wouldn't. So with that we knew it would be okay to bring Beas since he's always enjoyed the company of others, and the socialization would be good for him. Walking up to the house, someone joked that the dogs in the yard would "rip that little dog apart". I laughed because I saw a golden retriever puppy and a lab, both puppies but still considerably larger than our boy, but nothing that was out of the ordinary since he had plenty of playmates of all breeds and sizes back home. Only seconds later, after I set Beasley down, he was gently greeted with sniffs and wagging tails from those dogs--and then this pitbull mix came out of nowhere and lunged at Beasley, and then it was over. I screamed, still holding the leash, and even now as I type, I have the same ringing in my ears and the same feelings of intense helplessness and overwhelming panic. Someone managed to get the pitbull away though I don't know how, but at that point I only remember someone yelling "he broke his neck" and my husband grabbing our sweet puppy and screaming and crying--he kept saying, "my baby, my baby". At that point I can only remember those intense feelings, the ringing in my ears, and my husband's screams. He fell to the ground w/ Beasley and sobbed but I couldn't comfort him--I walked away and I could only shake with what felt like convulsions. I could only think, no, no, no, no...

The sight of my sweet puppy is more than I could/can stand...we knew he was gone but a kind stranger drove us to a vet that was closed. We knew he was gone but my husband even tried CPR and urged Beasley to stay with us as I cried and begged from the backseat. When we got back to the house, my husband had to carry our puppy in a blood-soaked towel...I couldn't stand it & I still can't...he had to get a bag to wrap him in for the 2 and 1/2 trip home. I sat on the curb and cried by myself until another stranger, the kindest woman, came to comfort me. I don't know who she was or where she came from, but for a split-second, she attempted to comfort me as my body convulsed with shock and despair.

We of course left immediately. After the longest ride home, with our baby lifeless in the back, we couldn't go back to our house so we stayed with my parents. They have been so supportive--they love Beasley, and they're also animal people...they have a cat & have suffered pet loss before. We buried Beasley in my parents' yard (they live in the country) next to my childhood dog, Candi. My parents, along with my brother & two good friends, grieved with us as we said goodbye to our Beasley.

I can't stand that he's gone, and I am sick with sadness and guilt. I shouldn't have gone to this party, I shouldn't have brought Beasley along, I shouldn't have set him down. People say that the pitbull would have attacked Beasley even if I had been holding him, thus hurting me, too, but I don't care. Physical wounds resulting from that would not possibly hurt more than this.

My husband and I had so many plans for the upcoming years, most of them including Beasley. We definitely never imagined that he would be gone so soon, in such a violent and tragic way. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, and we are both plagued with fits of crying. I've always been very sensitive when it comes to animals...unable to watch or hear anything that depicts an animal in distress. Now it's actually happened to me, and it's not some fictional scenario, but something that actually happened & I have to live with for the rest of my life, and I don't know how I'm going to get through it.

I do have a great support system with my husband, family, and friends, and my husband and I already visited a grief counselor today because we both feel overwhelmed by what some people might call "just a dog's" death...but as you all know, they're not just pets, they're companions, best friends, babies...they love us unconditionally, and I would do anything for my pet. Now I just feel lost because I thought I could do anything for Beasley, but I couldn't save him, and now he's not here. I need to know that he's watching us, somehow, somewhere that I can't see, because I need to have him with me. He was our world, and I need to know that I will see him again one day in heaven, because he HAS to be there--heaven without our pets wouldn't be heaven at all.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post...I'm sorry for the length. Most of all, I'm sorry for your many losses & our thoughts are also with you while you grieve your dear companions. As an animal lover, I know this is not a trivial relationship, but a very important one, one that may last years or only a few short months. Either way, our pets are little angels that make our lives better, and now I'm struggling to find out how to make it at all.

Beasley really was our world--we told him so many times a day how much we love him, and I hope he still knows, because as devastated as I am, I couldn't handle it if he died scared & feeling unloved because we couldn't help him in time.

Your posts are all filled with so much strength and support...thank you for providing a sense of comfort to those who've lost their babies like we have this weekend.

Thanks for listening and take care.
Beasley's mom,
kel


[QUOTE][FONT=Times][COLOR=green]We love you Beasley!!!

[Cathi]

(((((Kel)))))))))
I am sick about what happened to your little baby. I held my breath as I read your story. I too have never been able to witness animals' suffering.
I only hope that time will take this horrible, horrible burden from your heart and take the shock away for both of you. I sure don't understand why these things happen.

I hope when and if you are able, you will take action against the pit/rot's owners. This should not be allowed to happen again. I knew some people who thought it was funny that their big dog had "taken Out" some of the smaller neighborhood dogs. It was just "his nature". I was so horrified.

I lost my precious husky, Tico last week and I share your grief. I wish you strength to deal with this.

peace
Cathi