Animal Communicators, The Guilt Goes On Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

It's been awhile since I've posted again, and many of you don't know me very well anyway yet, but I had to write again, of my fears, disappointment and unrelieved guilt.

Yesterday I read the posts on ADC's here and was so touched and relieved to find some really wonderful signs from other kidlets who'd passed. My own furboy (Sabin, a cat) has, I'm still convinced, sent me some remarkable ones over the 5 long years since his own transition back to spirit and they've served to increase my faith that there's continuing life. He was also the being responsible for showing me time after time that telepathy, and the concept of our existence not being dependant on a body, was real and not just a pipe dream. However, his dying was, near the end, hard and traumatic-looking, and for many reasons I won't go into yet here, I let him go on his own....and have suffered mightily for my decisions all these years. Bottm line....I can't ever take it back and do it over, so the guilt has been hanging on, unresolved.

I'd had 2 communications done through 2 different animal communicators after he passed and while both said there's nothing TO forgive, one included the statement,"This cat says he didn't like the way he died." While this could be interpreted in different ways, at the time, I was so traumatized I didn't pursue it far enough to get more answers. I was FAR too upset. So, over 5 yrs later, I decided to try another one to see if I could put this to rest. (the communicator I trust the most is, unfortunately, out of commission this year with an injury) While this new one gave me long descriptions of thoughts, feelings and events, I still wasn't convinced she was getting it all right, even though is did sound alot like MY guy coming through. At the end of the session, he asked if he could come to me in a dream last night, to further communicate with me. Well, YAH!!!, of COURSE!! My husband took extra measures for me, so as not to disturb my early morning dreams (I always have them, and most often remember these ones).....but although I was dreaming, I don't remember ANYTHING about my boy being in any of them. My spirit is absolutely CRUSHED. I had thought this would be confirmation that the communication was, indeed, real, even if I'd had doubts. While I'd felt a little relief, (based on the answers, yesterday) today I'm right back into the burden of guilt, feeling totally miserable again, and even worse after having spent money on something that has only made things more difficult. If that was my 'Boo-Boo' ( one of dozens of nicknames), I can't believe he would have failed me like this.

I've always believed in communicators' abilities, as these metaphysical things have even happened to me in smaller ways, but finding one you can really trust is a battle and some of them charge such high prices. Unless you have a strong recommendation from someone you know, it's very hard to decide if the price will be worth it. That aside, I'm just feeling SO BAD now, I can hardly think of the words to describe it...and that's not like me at all! I waited all these years, to see if I could resolve this guilt another way, and now I feel duped on top of it. Why didn't he COME to me?!?! Am I meant to feel this way forever because I DID do so wrong by him? It's the worst guilt I've ever felt about anything, anyone, in my entire life, and of course it leads to feelings of self-hate, which is not good for anyone. This was my big chance and I truly thought if I was meant to stop suffering, Sabin would find a way to make that happen! That's how much I believed in, at least HIS abilities. Now it feels more like a sign that he, too, thinks I should continue to suffer, for what I didn't do for him. Welcome back to this heck we call earth.

[Amphia]

Hi Sue and Furkidlets mom,

I think you would do really well meditating on what sue said about soul's growth, and soul agreemments. I can really identify with you. You seem to get stuck the same way I do...circling around in your head, thinking too much...

I believe that everything in life teaches...everything is conspiring to make you a brighter, more loving being, and sometimes pain is the tool that makes the beautiful flute...by chipping away at it with a knife, so that it can express God's beauty even more!
Death is a part of life! They are one and the same...We watched another family Dog go last year and it was awful...so many cir%%stances I can't explain to you here, but Trust me when I say I can relate to what you are feeling. Kelly died of Kidney failure in an empty apartment...We were around and paying our respects, but she died slowly and painfully, and it was horrific to see. Too many changes and trauma's were happening at once in our family and we simply couldn't keep on top of everything, financially, emotionally, and physically.
But I dealt with it by accepting it. I couldn't change it. She knew she was loved, how could she not? We loved her, we know that. If you are loved, you know you are loved. It's simple! And I firmly believe that there is a reason that some pets CHOOSE to die this way, and the learning is for you both. It's an intimate, soul agreement, and it's a beautiful thing, if you can see it that way.
I don't know if this will help you, but something I was thinking of yesterday in the aftermath of Tazi's death: Tears and grieving are essential to fully healing...real sad grief...honoring grief, being with grief, staying present with it...And I thought about wintertime, how the leaves die, and how it rains in winter to cleanse and to heal and to make the earth ready for new life. If there was no rain one year, we would have a drought...stagnation... there would be no new growth. I have to believe it is the same with our bodies, our spirits and our lives. We need to FULLY experience our tears when something dies, be it a being, a relationship, an event, singlehood, etc. so as to allow for new joy to come and delight us!
Another thing that helps me with my monkey mind, and my obsessive thoughts is this: Your body begins to die when you are holding pain (guilt is a big one) Anger, guilt, fear, anxiety...over prolonged periods create cancer, they make your body less resistant to anything harmful. Your body actually starts to become healthier and younger the happier you are! What does THAT tell you! It's your responsibility to bring make peace of mind a priority...that, and nothing else. But it doesn't mean you should not feel pain, or even avoid it, because that would be holding on to FEAR (life subtracting). It simply means, BE present.
Try this: when you start to blame yourself, or obsess over your pet's death or anything related to it...STOP...and look around at your room, get quiet and listen fully to the small sounds going on around you, the sounds of the world. If you start to obsesss, say: Everything is OK in this moment. In this Moment, there is no pain, there is no tragedy.
Because really, there is none. You are reliving something that does not exist. The only thing that exists is You in this moment. I wish you love and light and new life! May there be Joy in your heart over the seasons of your life!
A