2 Steps Forward; 1 Back, The Grief Yo-Yo Options

[Lauree]

I know, I know........when it comes to Grief, "normal" is whatever works for any given individual. I can respect that when I see it in others, but I'm having quite a time dealing with this roller-coaster I seem to be on.
What I had anticipated when my good old boy Stumpy "ran on ahead to Heaven's Fields" 2-1/2 weeks ago was to pass through the well-know stages of grief, more or less in order taking as long as needed in any given one.
Nope.
Instead of an orderly progression I seem to swing fairly randomly from one to another in an unpredictable schedule. When Stumpy first died I cried. A lot. For a couple of days. Then, the pain seemed to dampen down somewhat, and boy! I felt guilty about feeling better. I knew in my head AND heart that Stumpers is better, so I should be feeling glad for him........but.....if I felt better that only made me question myself about how much I loved him; which is, of course ridiculous. Then, I'd bump along for a few days, got feeling better, tried talking myself out of the guilt trip and whammo! don't I receive a letter from the Township telling me Stumpy's Dog License Fee is overdue and threatening a fine. Oh, fabulous. Big crying scene. Thank heaven my husband said he'd take care of notifying the Town Clerk. I wasn't particularly coherent.
My son returns from overseas in 2 weeks. (Hurrah!) His first visit home will, of course, include showing him Stumpy's grave in the backyard. I KNOW that'll rip everything wide open again.
You know what? I expected grief to be like a TV dinner.......everything nice and separate, easily identifiable, one bit at a time. What I got is a Tossed Salad.
Thanks for letting me say all this. I hope it made sense to someone. I just want to let anyone else going through this emotional blender, you aren't the only one.
lauree

[QorquisDad]

Hi Lauree,

I got pretty much the same tossed salad when my corgi, Qorqui, was killed. It's been nearly five months now and, although the guilt is pretty much gone, I still have good days and bad days. The thing I'm having the hardest time with now is reading about all the signs people are getting from their passed furries. I sometimes feel like Qorqui has forgotten me. I miss that little critter more than I'd ever dreamed possible. So many folks report all sorts of impossible to ignore signs and I get nothing. On bad days I wish I had her here to pet and hold, and I pray for any little sign that she's happy and safe and waiting for me to join her... but I get nothing. Even now I'm in tears as I type this.

I guess my point is that greif, for me anyway, is anything but tidy. It hits at random times in random ways. Sometimes I break down in the shower in the morning, sometimes at bedtime, sometimes it's when I get home from work and don't get the little pounce against my legs and the "Woo-Ooo" (Hi Dad!) that I looked forward to every day.

Be patient, be good to yourself, and it will get easier in time.
Tim