Someone Help Me Please, My baby of 8 years killed suddenly Options

[Dixie's Mom]

Hi everyone...I've been reading the posts here the last week or so and crying my eyes out. I've finally found the courage to talk about what happened to my sweet baby.
July 5th, I was taking the trash out for the morning's pick-up. As usual, Dixie(my 8 year old terrier/##er mix) and Frances (my 9 year old dachsund mix) followed me in and out of the back gate. My two sweeties were ALWAYS by my side. Long story short, my neighbor suddenly appeared, chasing a stray cat she had been trying to catch. Oh, by the way, I unfortunately live on the corner of a busy 4 way intersection. I HATE it (even more now).
My dogs saw the cat running by and started to give chase (something they LOVED to do...birds, cats, squirrels...they LOVED to chase little creatures). I yelled for them to stop and they did, then Frances gave into temptation and Dixie followed. The cat and Frances made it, but Dixie was hit by a large SUV as I watched. It was the most HORRIBLE thing I have ever had to witness. I can still see her and hear her. She was hit so hard in the belly area...she just let out this awful yell. I ran into the street and the woman who hit her rolled her window down and said "I'm sorry..." and just drove away!! I was hysterical...I knew Dixie probably wouldn't make it. I saw her get hit...she was no match for the SUV. I still can't get the picture out of my head. I was hysterical... and Dixie lay bleeding out her mouth and dying. Her paws had also had been run over and were bleeding. I can't even imagine her pain. I wish I could have taken that pain away. I have only lived here 3 weeks and didn't know what to do, where to go. The woman chasing the stray cat offered to drive me in my car while I get in the back with Dixie. It was the longest drive ever...over 15 minutes to go 3 miles. We hit every long red light. Dixie was dying as I held her. She honestly took her last breath and started twitching her head as we pulled into the vet parking lot. They got her heart to beat again (CPR) but she never could breathe on her own. They put a breathing tube but her abdomen was full of blood. Dixie died and I feel so damn guilty. I am crying as I type and I go through stages of guilt (for not leashing her, for not running faster, for not yelling louder), to stages of anger (why didn't that stupid lady see her??? why didn't God answer my prayer to let her please please please LIVE??? why why why???), to disbelief (how can she be gone in an instant? we just moved here, for GOd's sake and she's gone in 3 weeks??? how can it be so?). I am so lost, so devastated. I feel so as fault. DAMNIT!!! This is my fault!! I didn't protect her from the dangers of this stupid busy intersection! What was I thinking, moving into such a dangerous place?? I honestly feel that I will only get past this pain, this guilt, the day that I die. I cut her life short...SHE LOVED LIFE!! The happiest dog I ever saw and my last thoughts of her are her laying crying in the street. I feel dead too. The vet called yesterday to say they have her ashes...I can't deal with it. I haven't picked them up because I can't stand to see my dog in a SMALL BOX in the form of ASHES. It is WRONG. Why does this stuff happen?? Why didn't God let my dog live??? I begged him...and she still died. Please someone help me. I can't deal with this.

[Dixie's Mom]

Punky's Mom,
I just got done reading your tribute to your baby Punky in the Tributes section and the tears are still rolling down my cheek. Oh my gosh, you loved that baby so much. I know you lost him several months ago, but after reading your tribute, I want to tell you that you are in my thoughts and I feel so bad that you lost your baby that meant SO SO SO much to you. I am so so sorry. He was the world to you. What a lucky dog indeed.
Thanks for your post regarding my Dixie. I do tend to agree with what you said, as far as things happening for a reason and things that are just meant to be. I do believe that. But it still hurts like HELL, as you surely know. Oh my gosh, I miss all of her cute little characteristics and all the silly things about that little girl. The way she chased helicopters, the way she ran around the swimming pool CONTINUOUSLY on the night of the 4th of July, chasing fireworks! The way she "tap-danced" for her food. I could go on and on... wow, this is hard. I want to post her pic but am not brave enough yet. Seeing her beautiful face on a picture makes me fall to pieces, knowing that I can't see her, touch her, rub her belly, save a spot under the blanket for her. I wonder when I will be ok. Right now it seems like never. I bet you felt/feel the same way. We are all in this big crappy boat together. I'm glad I have so many people's support, including yours. You are a sweetheart.
Thanks so much,
Dana