Someone Help Me Please, My baby of 8 years killed suddenly Options

[Dixie's Mom]

Hi everyone...I've been reading the posts here the last week or so and crying my eyes out. I've finally found the courage to talk about what happened to my sweet baby.
July 5th, I was taking the trash out for the morning's pick-up. As usual, Dixie(my 8 year old terrier/##er mix) and Frances (my 9 year old dachsund mix) followed me in and out of the back gate. My two sweeties were ALWAYS by my side. Long story short, my neighbor suddenly appeared, chasing a stray cat she had been trying to catch. Oh, by the way, I unfortunately live on the corner of a busy 4 way intersection. I HATE it (even more now).
My dogs saw the cat running by and started to give chase (something they LOVED to do...birds, cats, squirrels...they LOVED to chase little creatures). I yelled for them to stop and they did, then Frances gave into temptation and Dixie followed. The cat and Frances made it, but Dixie was hit by a large SUV as I watched. It was the most HORRIBLE thing I have ever had to witness. I can still see her and hear her. She was hit so hard in the belly area...she just let out this awful yell. I ran into the street and the woman who hit her rolled her window down and said "I'm sorry..." and just drove away!! I was hysterical...I knew Dixie probably wouldn't make it. I saw her get hit...she was no match for the SUV. I still can't get the picture out of my head. I was hysterical... and Dixie lay bleeding out her mouth and dying. Her paws had also had been run over and were bleeding. I can't even imagine her pain. I wish I could have taken that pain away. I have only lived here 3 weeks and didn't know what to do, where to go. The woman chasing the stray cat offered to drive me in my car while I get in the back with Dixie. It was the longest drive ever...over 15 minutes to go 3 miles. We hit every long red light. Dixie was dying as I held her. She honestly took her last breath and started twitching her head as we pulled into the vet parking lot. They got her heart to beat again (CPR) but she never could breathe on her own. They put a breathing tube but her abdomen was full of blood. Dixie died and I feel so damn guilty. I am crying as I type and I go through stages of guilt (for not leashing her, for not running faster, for not yelling louder), to stages of anger (why didn't that stupid lady see her??? why didn't God answer my prayer to let her please please please LIVE??? why why why???), to disbelief (how can she be gone in an instant? we just moved here, for GOd's sake and she's gone in 3 weeks??? how can it be so?). I am so lost, so devastated. I feel so as fault. DAMNIT!!! This is my fault!! I didn't protect her from the dangers of this stupid busy intersection! What was I thinking, moving into such a dangerous place?? I honestly feel that I will only get past this pain, this guilt, the day that I die. I cut her life short...SHE LOVED LIFE!! The happiest dog I ever saw and my last thoughts of her are her laying crying in the street. I feel dead too. The vet called yesterday to say they have her ashes...I can't deal with it. I haven't picked them up because I can't stand to see my dog in a SMALL BOX in the form of ASHES. It is WRONG. Why does this stuff happen?? Why didn't God let my dog live??? I begged him...and she still died. Please someone help me. I can't deal with this.

[Dixie's Mom]

Wow- I wish I could respond to each of you. The people here are absolutely warm, caring, and so suportive. It is very comforting to know that people UNDERSTAND the pain. It doesn't change what happened, but it is so important that people can empathize with you. And for that I am very grateful to have this forum and the people who use it.
Sorry if my speech is not eloquent. I have been in a zombie-like state since this happened to my Dixie. The pain is so bad, so intense, that I sometimes feel that I cannot, WILL not go on. Yes, I force myself to exist- I have no choice. But there's that sense of guilt- I'm alive, and she is not. I feel guilty for that.
I have read all of your heartbreaking posts, as well as you have read mine. I cried with each one of them. Not for Dixie, but for you all and your furry companions. Cat or dog, accident or old age and disease; whatever the case may be, losing a beloved pet is so so so very difficult. It sucks, period.
Again, I wish I could respond to each of you, Dawn, Jenny, Amanda, Cassie,and Qorqui's dad. Your posts have broken my heart. I can only imagine the heartbreak you are feeling as well. Thank you thank you thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I've yet to pick up her ashes...I just can't. Not yet. I can't even look at her picture right now and I had my husband hide her leash and collar from me. It is just too painful
God bless you all and I will be posting my angel Dixie's picture as soon as I feel brave enough to look at it myself.
Wishing you all the peace, comfort, and love that you have shown to me and Dixie. You AND your babies are in my thoughts and prayers as well. Thanks again.
Dana