So Devestated...lost My Beautiful Jack. Options

[MyJack]

It was one week ago today. My wonderful big Black-Lab "Jack" was put to sleep.

We found out about 1.5 months ago that he had Larygeal Paralysis. The outcome of this is never good, the surgery is very, very difficult and most dogs have either *major* complications or dont make it through the surgery. The vet recommended we try Prednisone. It worked great and Jack was breathing better and had that "perky" look to him again.

About a week after being on the Prednisone, he started doing strange things....bumping into walls, running into things, his hind area would slide down and he'd fall when hanging out smelling grass or something. It seemed to be progressing and everyday the bumping, falling, running into things was getting worse.

I talked to the vet a couple weeks ago and asked him to tell me when it would be "time". The vet told me there was no sure answer and that when it was time, I would have no question, I'd just know.

Last tuesday, I layed on the floor with Jack for over an hour. Talking to him and telling him how much I loved him, how much I'd miss him but that I needed his help. I needed him to give me a sign that he was ready to go because I couldnt/didnt want to make the decision...it had to be *his* decision and to give me some sign.

The very next morning at 6:30 he gave me the sign I needed. When I got up to check on him, his eyes were rolled back in his head. He was alive and breathing but his eyes stayed like this for what felt like a 1/2 hour or so. I called the vet and he believes Jack was having a major stroke. He could no longer walk. The vet said to bring him in as soon as we could get him in...I gave him 3 turkey burgers, some cheese and some other yummy stuff. I took him to the vet and we got to spend 5 hours with him, before, during and after. The vet explained that similar to older humans, when one thing goes wrong, other things start to go wrong. The Larygeal Paralysis was somewhat under control but he thinks he developed Neurological problems indirectly related to it.

I honestly have never been so sad in my life. I hesitate to say this, but not even when I've lost human family members. The grief is so intense, I feel sick and find it hard to eat. I just miss him so much and it feels like I'll never get over this. I'm a stay-at-home mom and we spent soooo much time together, especially towards the end and I still see him all over the house. I'll turn a corner and think I see his tail, his head or hear him breathing.

Jack was just about to turn 11 when he left us, and I wish so bad I had 11 more years with him. The vet called today and told me that his ashes have returned to their office and we can pick them up whenever we're ready. I'm having a very hard time with this...how can my beautiful, sweet fur-baby be reduced to ashes? The thought of picking up a box with my beautiful boy has had me in tears all day and I'm not sure I can make that drive to pick up the "box".

Please, someone tell me this will get somewhat easier with time...I know it's only been one week (to the day) but when will the intense pain start to ease a little?

Thank you...

Dawn

[MyJack]

Amanda, oh goodness, I'm so sorry about your Sergi. It sounds like we went through our losses within days of each other. It's so difficult and while I knew I wouldnt be feeling great and ready to go on with life, I guess I wasnt prepared for it to be *harder* a week later. Yesterday was a very difficult day as it was one week ago to the day and also the vet called yesterday to say they had his ashes ready. It feels so final now.

I'm glad you were able to get out with your friends, it's something we need to do (when we're ready of course) and we should be with people who love and support us and know what we're feeling. A good friend and neighbor had a BBQ on Sunday, I thought I wasnt ready but she convinced me to go. I ended up having a nice time and even though she is SO not an animal person she was so kind and we talked about Jack. She's actually an artist and is going to do one of her paintings of Jack.

Thank you again Amanda, your understanding helps a lot and I'm so, so sorry about Sergi. I've only been on the board for one day, I'm going to try to find your posts about Sergi.

Dawn