Feeling Lousy And Guilty, Things will never be right again Options

[bluejules]

Since Shaun died on Tuesday, I've been through such a range of emotions. But at the moment I'm feeling really worried about my feelings.

A friend emailed me the words to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. I took a copy to Shaun's grave today and put it on top of his casket:

Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared,
beneath the stars above.
For a moment all the world was right,
how was I to know that you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it would all end,
the way it would all go.
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance.

When we got back from the cemetery I realised that my feelings towards the other pets have changed. I feel very, very guilty, but I just don't seem to love them as much. Even my little dog - I've only had him for 5 weeks and I adored him. And then there's the other four cats. I still care about them, but things are not the same.

When I thought about "The Dance", I realised that when Shaun was around "all the world was right". Somehow, Shaun brought out the best in me. Because he was so special, I loved everyone so much. Now he's gone, I feel that things will never be right again.

When I look at the other babies, I think they are cute and I want to care for them. But when I see Shaun's picture, I am overwhelmed with love and grief. I'm so sad that I don't seem to love the others as much as I did, I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could feel the same as I did before Shaun died.

What's the matter with me?

[MumofSerge]

Jules, I have nothing useful to add that the fabulous responses to your post have already yielded...
I have heard that when one pet dies, there are two ways that people respond to their surviving pet(s). The first is the way that I responded: to totally smother and cling to my surviving cat (Lancey), or to feel a real ambivalence and lack of interest towards the surviving pets. But this is a TEMPORARY state. I know that Shaun was special and had qualities that 'brought out the best in you'.
I totally relate to this, because Serge was the same: TOTAL GOODNESS and KINDNESS. His brother, Lancey, is more or less the opposite! He is the naughtiest, greediest, attention-seeking little queen you could ever meet! Yet THESE are wonderful, funny, sweet qualities, too...and so I'm trying to focus on - not just how MUCH I love Lancey - but WHY I love him. For all those things that make him unique. Maybe if you made a list (either mental or even written) of the qualities that make your surviving pets unique...all the reasons why you love them as individuals....it might help redress the balance between your grief over your little Shaun, and the love you feel for your surviving pets.
I imagine you must be feeling guilty for these feelings...but you REALLY MUSTN'T: it is all part of the grieving process.
Shaun sounds FABULOUS, and both of you are in my thoughts.
Amanda ***