Am I Going Crazy?, loss of beloved dog Options

[Fiona]

Am I going off my head? My darling wee hairy dog, Sgith died a week ago today after being hit by a car - and I wasn't there. He was with my mum, who's blaming herself no matter that I say dogs will be dogs and run across the road. Sgith was my faithful companion into whose fur I cried many times - he was my fourth baby - I have 3 children who are all also totally devastated. Sgith was a little dog with a huge personality and could never be 'just a dog' as someone said to me yesterday. He spoke to us, understood every word said to him and was spoiled rotten. Now I catch myself pretending hes sitting on the bed with me, speaking to him, trying hard to imagine hes there with me. I cant believe hes not here - can i turn the clock back - when do the tears stop? I cant stand the emptiness in the house - every advert on TV has dogs in it.

Please someone tell me it will get easier.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Dear Joy,
I'm very glad anything I had to say helped you out somewhat. Even when we've 'been there', it's often hard to know what someone might need, because nothing really takes the anguish away. I'm so sorry you just lost your sweet Buddy and had to go through all the anticipatory grief that comes with disease. I sure know how THAT feels, too. By the way, what a beautiful picture of him! He just LOOKS like he has an old soul full of wisdom, and from what you wrote about your/his routines, it certainly sounds like it, too. He knew what he needed and helped make it easier for you to accomplish - that's quite a blessing.

My Nissa (Sabin's sister) has had kidney disease ever since her brother transitioned and yah, it's an emotional battle and yet without her to comfort me after Sabin's passing, I don't think I would have made it, as this was my first large loss since my 2 budgies passed when I was a little girl, then a teener. Nissa has been through, with me, the move away from my family/home city, Sabin's medical problems and passing, and the loss of both my Mother and eldest brother last year. I can't even imagine life without her by my side. She started kissing me on the lips right after she was spayed as a kidlet, but REALLY stepped it up the very day Sabin passed and we're counting to a MILLION. How could I not love her to pieces?! I think about that horrible choice I'll probably have to make with her and shrink from it inside my heart. I went through it with Sabin, but unfortunately didn't know enough, didn't get any advice from our vet ( though she knew the details of his symptoms day by day ) and SHOULD have helped him, but didn't. It's awful, having to 'play God' and wondering forever if you made the right choice. From what I've heard, though, no matter which choice we make, most seem to suffer guilt and all I can say is that at least it's a measure of how much we cared. I used an animal communicator after Sabin's crossing and he told me there WAS nothing to forgive, and yet I still suffer for what I didn't do for him. (I'm in need of another reading, I can see)
I can't WAIT for the day when all this earthly pain is over and I can finally be reunited with ALL of my loved and beloved ones all at the same time. But until then, I 'sacrifice' whatever I have to to take care of my Nis' (currently suffering with a painful corneal dent, during our holidays, no less - I'm going mental with worry! ). Luckily, I do have a husband who helps us by being more stable than I with every crisis. I greatly admire you for having gone through what you did without someone else by your side to give you support. I don't think I'm as strong as all that as my emotions are directly tied to my kidlet's happiness (not a healthy thing, but I can't seem to help it).

As for not knowing Buddy was sick (in time), I don't think we should beat ourselves up about that kind of thing because, although I now have TWO holistic vets for Nissa, and have consulted with about 3 more at times, even their answers differ sometimes. With Sabin, although we had done bloodwork only 2 months prior, it showed NOTHING wrong, though he had advanced cancer that had metastisized to the lungs already by the time it was even noticed on an X-ray. The Emerg. vet just thought it was a bad image and so sent us home without a clue as to what made him fall down the stairs. In a mere 2 wks time, one tiny spot became many - much faster than the guestimate I'd been given by a top animal oncologist here. My point is, many times the vets don't even detect anything before you're forced to just manage disease. I've had to accept that sometimes things are just meant to be a certain way even if I don't know why and may never know until I'm gone, too....then I'm HOPING all will be explained!

Have you ever read the story about the little girl who saw her 2 cats just before she passed? I think it's on the Rainbow Bridge site (can't recall the name right now). And if you're doubting, you could try to find that book I mentioned in my other post, OR I can tell you about how my own Bud came through to me and Nissa in the days, and years, after he transitioned to spirit. Let me know if you want to hear about it....now I have to call Nissa's Reiki practitioner to get her more help. I wish I could physically be there to hug you and share your tears as I know how excruciating losing a fur-son can be.

Blessings and Reiki Hugs to you, Joy and to Buddy, too.