Daphne's Gone To The Bridge Options

[Saki & Freyj...]

You see, it was supposed to be a really long time before I had to come out here again.
I guess I never really had left the board. I was still here, like a ghost reading others' posts. But I was supposed to continue in that mode for a long while, then gradually leave the board completely, gradually unmark it as a favorite, stop getting daily notifications in my home email box that somebody had started a new topic.... And then it was supposed to be years in the future when lightning struck me again.

But I guess that's the thing-- lightning strikes whenever....

I joined the board in Spring 2003. Actually, tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of saki's death. The irony just occurred to me. But I joined before that, when Freyja died on May 28, 2003. Then my Grandma died May 29, 2003 and Electra in December 2003. and I was supposed to be SAFE from death for awhile. That was my plan-- have I mentioned that?

Soon after everyone died, we began filling up the house with the pitter patters of feets and woofs and meows. We got Daphne and Velma the cats from a shelter. They are sisters and I guess look a lot a like. But Daphne's features were rounder and softer and she had the clearest, most caramel colored eyes I'd ever seen. And she had one peach foot-- that's what we pointed out to people who couldn't tell the sisters apart. We called that foot "the kung fu foot" because sometimes she'd kick it....

Daphne like to watch out the window and chatter at birds. She really wanted to be a hunter and when she played hunting games she was fierce. More than once when she bit my finger under a blanket, she'd twist it hard, trying to break the pretend mouse's neck. And she liked to climb to the top of the ladder whenever I had it out and sit on top with her fat rolls hanging over and swish her tail. And she liked to eat. And she liked me. And that was about it.

Soon after we got the sisters, she stopped liking Velma. She never liked Tim. Sometimes he and I would both try to downplay that, saying she was just a skittish cat that was afraid of him. But that's not true -- she didn't like him. She didn't like the dogs. She didn't like company.

The only creature in the world she liked was me. She'd sleep next to me in bed (on the outside, not between Tim and I). When I would go up the stairs, she'd always run up two or three steps ahead of me and cry for some petting -- which I always gave her. At the computer, if she were not sitting chattering at the birds, then she would be under the desk right by my feet.

She could be mean to other animals and people, but she never was to me. Sometimes, I have to admit, I was afraid of her. In particular, I was afraid at times to pick her up and put her someplace she didn't want to be. But even when I was nervous, I'd do it anyway, and she never hurt me, or even acted like she ever wanted to hurt me.

She was not a graceful cat and she never got used to having her claws. All of her life, she'd get them caught in things -- blankets, clothes, window screens, but most notably the carpet. It didn't matter if they were trimmed or anything. When she'd walk across the carpet, you'd here this velcro-like sound bc with each step, claws would get caught. Fortunately, she didn't like to claw at furniture....

So she was crabby and fat and clumsy, but she was MY cat and I loved her and I am sad that she is not here. She is not at my feet right now. She's not at the window. She's in some locker at some vet's.

I don't know what happened. She seemed fine earlier today. She's always seemed healthy. I was downstairs and Tim was taking a nap. And a little over an hour into his nap, he started screaming at me to come upstairs. I screamed back bc I could see absolutely no reason to yell at me like that. Then, AFTER I got off the toilet, I came upstairs and snarled "What the heck do you want????" And he pointed at Daphne, laying in front of my closet and said softly "Something's wrong with Daphne." Looking at her, I could tell already. But -- in hope... I went and knealt by her and pet her and felt for breath or heartbeat or something. But none was there.

Her claws, as always were embedded in the carpet......

I kept thinking she'd wake up. How does a less than 2 year old cat just keel over? She was FINE a few hours ago. I kept thinking she'd wake up. Meanwhile, I was calling places. It's saturday and my vet was not in, and I didn't want to keep her here over the weekend. So I was calling places and finally found one that could take her.

Tim brought me a box and a towel and I put her in it. I still kept thinking she'd wake up. Hell, I STILL AM THINKING SHE'S GOING TO WAKE UP!!!! Saki and Freyja and Electra all died of illness and old age and we had time to... prepare. That's a stupid word, you are never prepared, but.... we saw it coming. Daphne would not be two until July 14. How can she just --- die?????????

Could Velma have accidentally killed her?? If you knew Velma, you'd know it's not possible. When Daphne would beat up on her, all Velma ever did was run and hide. And the "beatings" were never serious. Never bites, just a few bloodless smacks.And Velma always submitted to her big sister.

Oh, sweet mean cat, what has happened to you? I am so sorry Miss Daphne-- I am so sorry if something was wrong and I didn't catch it. I am sorry that so many things made you so nervous. I am sorry we didn't get to spend more time together. I am going to miss you looking at me with those big round eyes, looking at me like "Puss in boots" in Shrek 2. I am going to miss you on the stairs, and by my side in the morning. I am going to miss being your one and only.

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[Saki & Freyj...]

So I have become completely and totally paranoid.

yesterday, Banshee was smacking her lips. So I was sure she needed to go to the vet.

hathor was being a bit more clingy than usual, so i wanted to take her to the vet too. I actually spent about an hour, repeatedly measuring hathor's respiration rate. Then I would compare it to Chata's. Then to mine.

Velma of course needs to go to the vet just by virtue of being Daphne's sister (actually, as I am typing this, I am watching her respiration rate....)

Chata seems fine. Too fine. She must be hiding something from me. She needs to go to the vet.

It was all I could do yesterday to keep from loading the whole gang in the car and taking them all to the vet.